People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

For those who made 2012 worthwhile

So much has happened in 2012 and it’s not over yet. It’s going to be one of those years when I look back 10-20 years from now as a huge turning point in my life.

A while back someone asked me to write about what makes me tick. Intrigued, I pondered how I might answer the question and became completely and totally stumped. I mean, how can one possibly figure out what makes them tick without examining their life from every perspective and without being able to review every memory to ascertain the pivotal moments that molded and shaped their personality, perspective and outlook on life?

Quite the impossible task I concluded.

Most recently, I thought of writing about gratitude.  An easier subject, for sure, but one that has many facets. I became overwhelmed by all the possibilities: should I write about my family and friends, my teachers and professors at school and university, my colleagues? My list could be endless if I considered all the people who have ever touched my life in a positive way!

At that moment, I suddenly realized that it was the people in my life that have made me into the person I am today. What makes me tick is a result of all the experiences and all the lessons I have learned from all the people in my life. And when I say all, I mean all. Not just the ones who interacted with me and created fond memories; all the people I have interacted with, including the frustrating, mean, belligerent, scary, negative, manipulative, soul-crushing and destructive ones.

I need to be grateful for all the people who have touched my life this year.

So why be grateful for those people I don't like and don't care to be around?

The more I think about those people and how they threw roadblocks across my path, made me cry, made me angry, told me I couldn't or wouldn't or shouldn't, the more I realized that I learned to be persistent, defiant, creative, self-confident, courageous, ingenious and rebellious because of their actions. And let's be honest. For this life I am living, where things haven't always gone the way I have planned and where I have faced more than my fair share of challenges, these are the lessons I needed to prepare me to live my life. All these people taught me that I was stronger, more resilient and more capable than I ever imagined.

More elegantly put, in this quote from the movie Mulan, "The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all."

It has taken me decades to appreciate just how rare and beautiful I am between all my struggles. It has also taken decades for me to see and appreciate how deep and how wide my inner strength, courage and passion for life are. While I hold out hope that life's challenges will become fewer as I get older, I nevertheless am more confident than ever that I can survive and thrive despite whatever life throws in my direction.

I have all the people who have touched my life to thank for this. I am very grateful and very fortunate indeed. I truly do have so many blessings to count and be thankful for this .There comes a time, when one realizes that one's accomplishments and unique journey through life have been made richer by the presence of those who have touched one's mind, body, or spirit. Now is the time!

This last year of blogging has taught me so much—about myself, about others, about writing, about life—but there are many times when I feel like maybe I’ve said everything I want to say. More often than not I’ll think, “I should blog about that!” only to realize I wrote up that post just last year. After three years it gets hard to keep churning things out, but the reason I put pressure on myself is simply because I need something — something that makes me feel creative, makes me feel wanted, that connects me to people who feel the same way. True, some days I want to delete it, and maybe someday that will happen. But for now, I still kind of like it and am sticking around for a bit.

And to answer the question I get once in a while, yes, I've thought about doing a book. I think I've defined my voice and perhaps even stepped up my game since I will be coming up with one soon. Anyway, this whole long ramble is to sincerely thank you for your support this past year—not just with the blog and with me as a person. I know readers and blogs come and go, and I am truly thankful for those who are with me today. In my blogging world, every word counts. Every tear, laugh, and bit of wisdom you share makes me a better human being.

Thank you for just being there. (Because often it’s the just being there that matters the most.). God bless you and I love you so much!!

That’s as mushy as I get. Now it’s your turn.

Spoken Words Poetry: Twenty Twelve Twenty Thirteen

Twenty Twelve will soon be history
It was themed our year of victory
Now let’s see behind the scene of yesterday
Who was in control of our everyday?
Did you make those same resolutions?
Only to live in their full delusions
Or did you surrender your plans to Jesus
Knowing he is greater than a genius
You might think your year was a success
But success without Christ is nothing but distress
You should ask yourself this question
Was your year a mere obsession?
Or was it full of Fulfilments
Coupled with God given achievements
Was your life a testimony
Or was it just a phony
Look back at all your  ups and downs
Was God truly your solid ground
As we take a step into a new year
Let’s serve the lord with all good cheer

Twenty Thirteen will come in like an eagle
Are you prepared to let go of your ego
And all the things that pulled you off your purpose
Given Christ the room to help you focus
Not only on what  you think is important
But on what the bible says in accordant
Twenty thirteen  is a year to get on our knees
But not like the Pharisees
Who prays out in the public
So people might think he is angelic
Let’s try not to be hypocrites
But rather be God’s associate
And walk with all dignity
Standing in Christ ‘The Infinity’
“The way” , “The Truth” and “The Life”
Believe me he has taking off your strife
So don’t be deceived by the father of all lies
Who has come to steal your eternal prize
Now is the time to decide and set aside
All your pride and simply be his bride

Video: I will upload the video soon :)

We Live in a World

We live in a world
where children die young and wicked lives long
where good runs dry and mothers often cry
We live in a world
where masses have no say but leaders never sway
where justice never reigns but violence always rains
We live in a world
where love is long lost and hate spreads like dust
where men beat their wives and mercy never thrive
We live in a world
where people know there is God but choose to ignore
where it’s not OK to pray but absolutely right to be gay
We live in a world
where boys hold war guns and shoot till the day dawns
where it is OK to fight and kill for your right
We live in a world
where women get stripped only just to be tipped
where young girls get sold only just to the old
We live in a world
where white means black and the sun is dark
where people no longer feel and wounds no longer heal
We live in a world
where revenge is the tool and peace is just for a fool
where brother means foe and families are only for show 

We need a world
where God is a necessity and not just a commodity
where we all need to take a stand and hold unto God's hand
We need a world
where we can all decide and not take sides
where we make a difference and all stay friends
We need a world
where fathers learn to trust and not just to hurt
where boys actually grow with no bomb to and fro
We need a world
where mothers learn to care and try not to err
where girls learn to read and not disagree
We need a world
where nations are fertile and people tend to smile
where hearts are filled with joy and sorrow destroyed
We need a world
where the youths can unite with futures so bright
where the old can relax with no news of attacks
We need a world
where peace is born and tears are undone
where we can all rely and dream of blue skies
We need a world
where it all makes sense to stop the pretense
where we teach our soul to live as a whole.

My Dialogue with God

My Dialogue with God

I go for walks, when feeling down, alone to shed my tears
contemplating all I've felt, the joy, the pain and the fears.
I find a quiet place to sit, on my past I always reflect
that's when I was startled, from the last thing I'd expect!

I know it seems cliché', but it felt like a dream
a swirling mist, things got bright a man now there, unseen.
As He approached my resting spot, a smile crossed His face
a slow and steady gait he used, no rushing to His pace.

He gestured towards the bench I sat, I told Him "sure, sit down"
the smile grew, it was so warm, yet I could only frown.
He asked me "What's the trouble friend? What’s weighing down your heart?"
Replying with my tear stained cheeks I said “I don't know where to start!"

"My daughter, just tell Me what it is, I'll listen to your woes,
I promise I'll be here for you, I will never let you go."
Skeptical, I took a breath, and then the words began
of what I feel and all I've lost, and why it's hard to stand.

I told of my  ways, my falls, when younger but not grown
and now the torment that I feel, is reaping what I've sown.
I must be bad, or forsaken, for  my Lord deserted me
He put an arm around my shoulder and said "that could never be!"

"A plan for you, and for your life, is something you can't see
but trust me when I tell you that your sight will come through me!"
"Through YOU?” I asked, "Well who are you? Don’t tell me you are God?"
And as I spoke, what did I see, the all too familiar scars.

His smile still there.  With disbelief, I simply sat and stared
but something deep inside of me, had me laying my soul bare.
Then a small voice, in my head, made me do a stupid thing
I questioned why He made this plan, with all the hurt it brings?

"My daughter, it is not my design that’s at fault, for your suffering s a choice
for if you heeded to what I said and listened to my voice
you'd feel the pain and know pure joy, the love from me to you
If you heeded to what I said, you'd know my promise is true!"

"But God, how could I walk so tall, when I feel it's hard to stand?
always feeling so alone, even with some helping hands,
and having love, but not the kind, that just a friend can share,
not knowing which way is up or down, I can’t care no more?"

He said to me "Now listen, your task is still incomplete.."
I started to speak but then fell down, and landed on my knees
my head bowed low, I asked this man, tears streaming down my face
"Can I come home, please take me home, I want to leave this place?

These were his last words to me
Home is where you will be, if you carry your cross and follow me

Why I love Poetry

This is just my own personal reflection on why I love poetry and why I think it has an important place in the life of a Christian. I came quite late into poetry. I fell in love with it by chance and found that it touched me deeply.

Often people turn to poetry to express those sentiments that are inexpressible. It’s particularly helpful at important thresholds in our lives: times of decision, moments when the heart is breaking or moments when the heart is full of love. Poets have an amazing ability to speak for us and for our time. As Terry Eagleton1 says, “poems reach for places that other forms of writing just can’t reach.” 

The reason I love it is because of how it works. It’s how I want my life to work. Here’s roughly how it works.

Poetry is a dynamic interplay between the word and what the word means. In technical terms it’s about how the signifier (the word) connects with the signified (the meaning). It’s the unity of both parts. First of all let’s take the words themselves. The words in a poem become language that draws attention to itself. It’s heightened, rich, intensified speech. So we experience the words as material events. They flaunt themselves at us. Poetry is something that is done to us rather than read or said to us. The reason many people never read poetry is because it forces us to wrestle with language rather than just consume it. You consume a newspaper but with a poem you listen for the tone, the pitch, the mood, the rhythm. You have to let the words hit you.

Then there’s the other part, the meaning. Poems create stories that reconfigure our world. They present truth in a clever, fictional kind of way in order to make some deeper point about it. You look out for the idea, the storyline and the moral argument. You wrestle with what the poet’s trying to say. And the meanings of a poem are so fundamentally bound up with our experience of the words. The two can’t be separated. So to grasp what is being said, we have to grasp how it is being said.

Here is an example . This is from Seamus Heaney’s latest collection. Just listen and experience the words and draw from them some meaning. This is called “Miracle”

Not the one who takes up his bed and walks
But the ones who have known him all along
And carry him in -­

Their shoulders numb, the ache and stoop deeplocked
In their backs, the stretcher handles
Slippery with sweat. And no let up

Until he’s strapped on tight, made tiltable
and raised to the tiled roof, then lowered for healing.
Be mindful of them as they stand and wait

For the burn of the paid out ropes to cool,
Their slight lightheadedness and incredulity
To pass, those who had known him all along.

To get the most out of a poem, you have to wrestle with both the experience of the words and their meaning. They can’t be separated. I think the same is true of our lives as followers of Jesus. We need to pay attention to both if we want to have a fulfilled time on planet earth. Let me give you a personal example. Much of my spiritual journey until the last few years focused on meaning. The emphasis was on searching out God’s will for my life, finding answers to thorny problems and upholding fixed certainties about God who is.

In Poetry experience and meaning must be interwoven, with the author in mind. We still need meaning. What’s wonderful about art and poetry is that it is the product of someone who has something to give us. Without some sense of authorship, we close ourselves off to learning; we end up just bringing our own narrow thoughts to our lives. Our ideas about ourselves aren’t as imaginative as God’s ideas about us and we have to trust that he’s doing something creative with us even if it seems very complex.

A lot of poems are tricky and that’s why I love them because our lives are tricky. As Christians we can’t escape that trickiness just by saying that life is just a series of random experiences. Yet, neither can we escape it by simply saying that God makes everything meaningful in some way and leave it at that. That’s lazy. So what do we do? We jump right into the Gethsamene cry of desolation. We allow the sounds and rhythms of those moments of loss and pain and mystery to form us and shape us. We let our lives hit us at full force. We wrestle with the language of our individual experiences. We keep reading and re-­‐reading, listening again and again. And all the time we’re asking “God, in light of all this, what ARE the meanings of my life?”

I wonder which of us are currently in a time of “experience” in our lives? Smelling it, feeling it, shouting it, crying it – but perhaps with very few clues as to what it means. Some of us, on the other hand, will be deep in the meaning of our lives but perhaps too frightened to enter into the full experience of it. It’s tricky holding the two together.

The outcome of our lives may be surprising, especially to others. But I think in poetry we find a God-­‐given healing quality, in that it helps us fully step into our lives. Just as we allow the words of a poem to be done to us, so we allow the experience of our unique life to properly impact us. Just as we search in poetry for multiple meanings as well as the author’s intention, so we reflect and wrestle about the meaning of our own existence in participation with the divine author.

Christ joins us in our experience. He joins us in the meaning. If we’ll allow him, he’ll knit the two together. And I think that’s what makes all the difference.

When God Wants a Man

When God wants to drill a man,
       and thrill a man,
       and skill a man;
When God wants to mold a man
       to play the noblest part;
When He yearns with all His heart
       to create so great and bold a man
That all the world should be amazed,
Watch His methods, watch His ways:

How He ruthlessly perfects
       whom He royally elects;
How He hammers him and hurts him,
And with mighty blows converts him
       into shapes and forms of clay
Which only God can understand,
While man’s tortured heart is crying
       and he lifts beseeching hands;

Yet God bends but never breaks
       when man’s good He undertakes;
How He uses whom He chooses,
And with mighty power infuses him,
With every act induces him
       to try His splendor out.
God knows what He’s about.

So what about grief?

Anyone who has lost a loved one knows that you don’t “recover.” Instead, you learn to incorporate their absence and memories into your life and channel your emotional energy toward others. Eventually, it has been said, your grief walks beside you instead of consuming you. 

It’s been two months and I am left wondering why I am not feeling better. Not sure what I expected, but I just thought that “time” would really heal all wounds...like people were telling me. And here I am feeling, well, almost worse. I still feel lost without my Mom. She is forever gone, and I can't seem to snap out of it.  I always knew the time would come when I would lose a parent. I guess I just never expected it to happen quickly. I always thought my kids would have my Mom in their lives just like I did. I should have known it could happen unexpectedly.

My mother always made sure to tell me how much she loved me so I would always know. She wanted me to know every day that I was loved, without question. And with no doubt in my mind, I always felt loved by my parents, as a child, teenager and adult. To the day she died, I felt loved. My mother was my best friend. A confidant. She was my cheerleader and life coach all rolled up into one incredible person.

Surrounded by family in her home, my mother drew her last breath. Her soul ripped from our world, and she was gone. Only the shell of my Mom remained, and at that very moment, the fabric of my world and what I knew of the world forever changed. After the funeral, I waited for the supposed closure.  It didn't come.  There was no closure...just emptiness.

Now as the everyday draws near, I feel like I am approaching a year of emptiness without her.  There was nothing good about her death. If I was looking for a “reason” for her death, there was none.   No great revelations have occurred.

It might sound bitter but over the past month, I have come to resent the saying, “There is a reason for everything.” Maybe that saying makes other people feel better about loss. Maybe it actually is true sometimes. But it isn't true all the time. One thing I know is that this experience has shaken my faith to its very core. Whatever God has planned for us or if there is a reason for her death, I will not know it while I walk this Earth.

If I learned anything from this experience, I have learned that sometimes grief does not go away. Sometimes it gets better. Sometimes it gets worse. Maybe it feels worse because we miss the person so much and we know they are not coming back. Or in my case, every time something wonderful happens, I want to pick up the phone and call my Mom...but I can't. I want to so desperately share precious moments with my Mom...yet I can't. Maybe I am just not ready yet. Right now, she just feels gone.

So what about grief?... I still grieve the loss of my Mom everyday. Not a day goes by when I don't think of her. The loss is so raw, I still cannot bring myself to go through it, I find myself dialing her  number. But maybe someday it will get better...I have to hope. I have grudgingly come to accept that maybe the sense of loss is just something I will learn to accept.

With loss, there is no right or wrong way to feel. We are living and therefore, lucky to be able to feel anything. And at the end of the day, I am so very blessed to have had such an amazing mother who loved me. I am so very fortunate for what I do have...the people in my life who helped me start to put life back together the day after she died. My family  and great friends. I am so much more appreciative of their love.

So little has changed.  So much has changed. But life goes on and so must I. Hopefully in years to come, the grief will ease. Time will heal. The memories and pictures won't hurt so much to look at...to share with my kids. Hopefully, I can be as good of a mother to my children as she was to me. 

Voice of my heart

Make me sleep through love
Like a quiet baby during a walk
That I may never blink or wake
Even when my soul’s at stake
To love with no pain
To live with all gain
Free from all restrain
Cries the voice of my heart

Take me far from loves journey
Divided like water and honey
That I may feel no sense of shame
Like a queen being set aflame
To walk with no pause
To scrape without paws
Free from all flaws
Cries the voice of my heart

Ramblers Updates!

With vacation time in full swing, I've been missing in action for the last couple of months. Between visits to my family and clinicals, there has been little time for any projects and blogging. But now that I’m back in school and summer is all over, I can get back into the swing of things and get busy around here.
 But before I move forward with new topics idea, I want to take a few minutes of your time to reflect on the past couple of months. The highlight of my vacation besides spending time with family was spending quality time with friends.

Every two or three year period I have endeavored to visit Nigeria. This year I was in Nigeria for eight weeks from the month of June to August. Unlike my previous visit I took notes of my experiences starting from the time our plane took off from Borispol international airport in Kiev to the time it returned two months later back to Kiev.

When we landed in Lagos, it was surreal and weird.  I was back in Nigeria again.  What?! Time for reverse culture shock?  It truly was the Twilight Zone when I got off the plane and met my bags to go through customs, get my passport checked. The scene that greets me when I step off the plane at the Murtala Muhammad International Airport in Lagos, Nigeria is not a total surprise – after all, I was quite accustomed to the Nigerian culture and custom. When I arrived, however, it felt so different like I have been away for more than a decade. The people, the numerous languages being spoken, and most importantly the Lagos heat that encompassed me.  It is not surprising to see that there was no abundant mix of races, everybody is black and, Men and women wear their traditional outfits proudly.

The ride from the Airport  to the house was very tiring, with okadas everywhere. I have always considered Okada a dangerous mode of transportation in Nigeria given the bad roads and lack of consideration by many Nigeria drivers of other users of the road. With the proliferation of Okadas in all cities and towns of Nigeria, it is even more dangerous and consequently there is a funeral almost every week for somebody who died as a result of accident involving Okada. Those Okada operators are not safety conscious, they do not wear helmet or provide their passengers with helmet, and often operate dangerously by breaking every traffic rule.

Well moving on, I was relieved to be there and reuniting with my family made my heart leap for joy. I got to see my lovable dogs and spent time playing with them.  They were pretty happy to see me and I was so glad to see them and hold them again after several months. Mehn…. I was home and boy it does feel good.. I had a wonderful time catching up with my family, my eleventy-billion cousins, aunts, uncles, childhood friends. Returning to my childhood home is always bittersweet. I miss it when I am here, and returning brings back fond memories, but I am always ready to come back to my study here.

This trip back to my childhood home made me realize some things. I have grown and changed and so have the people I grew up with, my family, cousins, friends etc. It’s not a bad thing but we have all moved on the paths we have chosen. However spending time with each one of them also helped me see that despite how much we may have grown and changed, there is still that part of us in there. The part where we ranted about our crushes and did things we thought were so cool then. Friendships and relationships are different as adults than it is when you’re a child. I think knowing that these people knew me at my craziest, lowest points, and still stuck around to meet up with me when I’m back, makes me love and cherish them even more. I also watched in awe as these same people have now become strong, and I am so proud of them.

I enjoyed my visit very much. Every single day was a fun filled day. While returning made me a little teary and gave me a heavy heart, I know that it is not goodbye but see you later. Our world is growing smaller and smaller. It is so much easier to keep in touch and while we may not be able to be physically in the same space, we almost can with technology. So I am truly blessed because I know wherever I am in the world, there are people in it that love me and miss me just like I do them.

The Lord's Clinic

( I saw this somewhere and I had to share it)

I went to the Lord's clinic to have my routine
check-up and it was confirmed that I was ill.

When Jesus took my blood pressure,
He saw that I was low in tenderness.

When He read my temperature,
the thermometer registered 40% anxiety.

He ran an electrocardiogram and found that I needed
several love bypasses since my arteries were blocked
with loneliness and could not provide for an empty heart.

I went to orthopedics because I could not walk by my
brother's side and I could not hug my friends since
I had fractured myself when tripping with envy.

He also found that I was shortsighted since I could not
see beyond the shortcomings of my brothers and sisters.

For all of that, Jesus gave me a free consultation,
thanks to His mercifulness, so once I leave this clinic,
my pledge is to take the natural remedies He has
prescribed for me through His Word of Truth:

Every morning take 1 full glass of gratitude.
When getting to work, take 1 spoon of peace.
Every hour take 1 pill of patience,
1 cup of brotherhood and 1 glass of humility.

When getting home, take 1 dose of love.
When going to bed, take 2 capsules of clear conscience.

I will not give into sadness or desperation for what
I am going through today.  God knows how I feel.  God
knows exactly and with perfection what is being allowed
to happen in my life at this precise moment in time.

God's purpose for me is simply perfect.  He wants to
show me things that only I can understand by living what
I am living and by being in the place where I am now.


The beauty of friendship lies in the eye
Of that one person that makes you smile
So much that you feel you can almost fly
To the uttermost part of the blue sky
Oh what a blessing in disguise
To have a friend money can’t buy

True friendship starts from the heart
Of the ones you can’t break apart
Coz to them it’s a perfect work of art
To have someone when all is torn apart
So they can both cry over a lobster tart
That’s a friend who never departs

Friendship is more than a sailboat
You take only when you need to float
It’s also more than a big bank note
Or the gift of a red cashmere coat
It is more like that musical note
Saying a friend heals a bad sore throat.

Things I Love About Being Black

There are so many things to love about being Black, and it’s so funny how some blacks take those things for granted but instead look at themselves with disdain. I believe that we Black people need to change our minds about us and begin to embrace the things that are uniquely Black. We have to love those things, while loving ourselves.

Black people are a special and wonderful blend of horrible oppression, faith, hope, creativity, spirituality and unresolved issues. No matter how bad things are, we still have what it takes to make it better.

Haven’t we always?
Yes, and I love that about us.

For all the problems, the ups and downs of being part of the most challenged race on the planet, there is nothing more beautiful than walking, talking and dancing in the sun as Black people. We are the party and everyone wants to attend. It’s time for us to celebrate.

I’d like to celebrate the things that I love about being Black.

Top Ten Things I Love About Being Black:

1.  Melanin: The sun loves us. Melanin protects us from the harmful UV rays and when we absorb them, we are in tune and in time with the earth¹s rotation and the rhythm of the universe. Plus, God gave us our own rainbow in the shades of Africans, from light-bright and damn-near white to Blue-Black and every shade in between. God is an artist and we are the canvas.

2.  Rhythm:  Show me a person who says: "Blacks have natural rhythm" as a putdown and I will show you someone who is jealous because they can’t find the beat. Dance like no one is watching.

3.  Resilience, brothers and sisters: There is no other group of people who has the ugly history carried by Black people, and yet, we still exist and find a way to be happy as well as carry on through ugly conditions, making it look beautiful. Maya Angelou said it best: "And still I rise"

4.  The Black female physiques:  Females of other races go through hell and high water, surgery and the risk of cancer in the sun just to imitate what God gave us naturally--lips and hips, skin and hair, rhythm in the talk and walk and our appeal as deep as Atlantis.

5. The Black man’s walk:  It took years of watching my older brothers and cousins to understand the walk of a man that makes all eyes turn on them when they walk into a room. There’s a rhythmic air of confidence that belongs to my brothers and no matter how hard you work to imitate it, you can’t walk it like a black man does.

6.  Black hair: Dreads, braids and fades are just different and artistic on natural Black hair, and even when we lay our hair down with heat or chemicals, it’s still a beautiful and different thing, because no one can rock relaxed hair like Black women. And no one can rock a bald head like a Black man.

7.  Resourcefulness:  We took the waste products that were tossed to us and made them taste like the food of the Gods. And, many of us have stories of a Black mother who stretched nothing out to make it seem like something that a house full of kids could enjoy and have fond memories about for years.

8.  Black mothers: Stretching food is nothing compared to the feat of stretching love and making Christmas or a birthday special without one store-bought gift. The original mother of the universe stretched her arms and provided love and comfort for an entire race, even when we don’t feel deserving of love. Why do you think Black kids are the most protective of their mothers?

9.  Black dances:  Okay, I will brag about the stepping that has emerged from many African countries to become an international craze. Dance mechanically by the numbers if you want to, but Britney Spears is still regurgitating old half-warmed Janet Jackson moves from the 1980’s and it ain’t half as fly.

10.  Black creativity: Take away school music programs and give us old record collections from previous generations and only Black people could create an entirely new musical style based on our natural rhythms and rhymes. Some Popular black music may be mostly ignorant in its content, but the beats are still banging’ and the underground is developing new lyrical styles and content.

Now, there are at least ten reasons to celebrate being you. Add to the list on your own. Keep them near and dear to your heart whenever anyone tries to say we are anything but a beautiful people. We may not wear the t-shirts anymore, but I still love being Black!

Spoken words: Saved

Are you saved?
Well, my bible tells me I’m redeemed not by the things I reveal
But by faith through Jesus, who made me guiltless
That I might no longer walk in shadows, but overshadow
If I try to earn my way to heaven by doing good works,
I am bound to fail because I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH
But God used his Son to save me, Christ died on the cross
So I might feel worthy and be worthy
Get this, if you are saved…
You know it
You show it
You live it

Are you saved?
Salvation is a gift of mercy from God to cleanse our mess
We are saved solely by grace and grace alone
So your friend walks up to you, only to tell you
It doesn’t matter who you believe in, as long as you are sincere
As trendy as that may sound, that is not what the Bible teaches
Yes, you believe that there is one God. You do well
Even the demons believe - and tremble! Obviously that’s not enough
Because Jesus is the only way to heaven, it couldn't be any clearer than that.
Get this, if you are saved…
You confess it
You believe it
You proclaim it

Are you saved?
You say, "Yes, I'm saved
I was nine when I  gave my hand to my pastor and my heart to Jesus
I’m not living for God right now, I admit
But I know I'm saved, because I remember what I did when I was nine
Who says the Bible uses experience as proof of salvation?
Who says you are saved by something you remember in the past?
Who says it takes a decade to bear good fruit?
Who says that you cannot prove your salvation?
Get this, if you are saved…
You shout it
You witness it
You enjoy it

Video: Coming soon...

The Rambler's Chronicles:Single Till Married

Folks ask me all the time, “what are you going to do when you start dating someone,will you still say I’m single ?”

My response: “Yes!”

“But you won’t be single” they say.

“Yes I will be. You are single until you are married.”

Very few people understand what I mean by this. I’ve said it a thousand times before. Dating is an interview process. Marriage is the real commitment.

Women tend to treat a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship like a marriage and then get hurt when he decides she isn’t the one and to keep looking. Actually, women get defensive, indigent, insulted. Men take a more wait and see approach.

My aunt always told me the best time to find a man is when you have one. “ you got a boyfriend. That’s nice. Keep looking to see if he is Mr right.”

“But auntie, he’s really sweet and fun.”

“Ok, well he can be sweet and fun but he also could be the man that will lead you to your real husband.”
I’m still testing her theory out.

I have a friend who knows a friend- who if judging by the way she treats her relationships has been married and divorced 3 times at the age of 29. Her first “marriage” was to her college sweetheart. She made him dinner on her hot plate. Washed his laundry when he was cramming for finals. Borrowed her dad’s car to help move her bf across the city for his internship and back again. He was headed to Grad School when he decided that it was best he focus his attention to his studies. He thanked her for being a good girlfriend. It lasted 4 years.

“Husband” #2 was from age 23-26. He was a cop, just bought a house and always talked about having kids. She was sure they would really be married one day. Basically she spent 6 out of 7 days at his place and helped him decorate. Started playing house, there was no time for friends unless he was busy and she was clueless when it came to having male friends. The only man, of any kind, in her life was the cop. She caught him cheating on her one night at his house when he told her he was out of town for the weekend.

Her last “marriage” was a quick one. He was a co-worker who liked her. She was so bitter from the failed marriages that she didn’t take him seriously. After a year of playing him, she finally smartened up but it was too late. He strung her along like she had done him.  Two years later she realized she was left empty yet again.

The trouble with my friends friend “the bride” is she treated each boyfriend like a husband when not every man you date is husband material. Same goes for men who treat all women like queens when really some of them are scandalous tricks.

I love to hear women go on and on about “We are in a committed relationship,” when they speak of their boyfriend and how seriously they work at it. That’s all good and well but the real commitment is when you say “I do”. So until I have an engagement ring on my finger…I am single!

The Ramblers Chronicles: Cracked Foundations

I’m sitting here this afternoon thinking about cracked foundations. Probably because there is a repairman upstairs ripping parts of something as we speak. You see, some years ago I rented a house and the owners hid a crack in the kitchen flooring from me until the renting deal was final. When I found it and confronted them they refused to pay for the repair. I eventually let it go and prayed it would never be a problem. I’ll throw a rug over it, I thought. After all, that’s what the previous owners did. Everything was fine until weeks later, the crack began to spread until six tiles were cracked and the problem began to seep out of the kitchen and into the room.

The problem had grown to a place where I could no longer ignore it. It would no longer fit conveniently under a rug, the tile was cracked because the foundation of the house had cracked and the person who originally laid the tile hadn’t put a protective sealant down to prevent the tile from cracking right along with the foundation.

How like life, I thought to myself. And relationships. Sometimes we build relationships right on top of cracked foundations. If I can just hide these cracks, we think to ourselves, I can pretend they aren’t there. Everything is fine until something shakes the foundation and it is proven faulty. The cracks in the foundation result in cracks in the relationship. Sometimes they are repairable. Other times they aren't.

What are some faulty foundations we can build relationships on? Here’s a short list:

▪We want someone cool to like us so we lie about our likes and dislikes to fit in.

▪A cute guy begins showing us attention so we try to appear as someone we’re not to keep him interested.\

▪Our friends at school think being a Christian is lame so we tell them we only go to church because our parents make us.

▪We aren’t allowed to attend certain types of parties so we lie to our parents and say we are spending the night with a friend so we can sneak out and go.

Cracked foundations. Dangerous ground. It’s all just a matter of time before those cracked foundations get rocked and more damage is done.

The thing about a cracked foundation is that it’s a broken foundation. We can’t expect a broken foundation to sustain weight and pressure. When life happens broken foundations only become more broken—unless we put the time and effort it to actually fix the problem instead of trying to hide it.

Do you have any cracked foundations in your life that need repairing? Do you have some relationships in your life that you may need to rethink? Are there new relationships you are in the process of building that need solid foundations?

I would love to hear your story.

The Ramblers Chronicles: Moving On

This is a new personal series I’m trying out to see if you like it, find it interesting, funny, helpful, whatever. It is no-punches-pulled, 100% ridiculously transparent.

I can’t lie to you.

I’m definitely in a transitional period in my life.  I was even considering the dramatic act of cutting all my hair off, Caesar-style.  My friends would understand right? For some reason, women always turn to the scissors in hopes of “getting a fresh start”. Well, I didn’t cut my hair off BUT…I am moving forward. It’s the season for it, don’t you agree?

While shifting through all of my “issues” I realized something…

Most people like to wear their issues on their sleeves, tormenting themselves and all those who see it. For some reason, we often feel like we have to “fix” everything, even when we know it is beyond repair. This is especially true when it comes to relationships.

Answer the following question honestly:

Have you ever ended a relationship at the exact moment you felt it was over?

Take to the comments section to answer.  I bet 90% will say, no.

The reason: Many of us like to punish ourselves. We like to feel like we have to “stick it out”, “make it work”, etc, blah blah blah.  I’m not saying that you should run at the first sign of trouble but you know when 2 + 2 is no longer = 4. You get that gut feeling in your stomach. You confide in your best friend. You start to look at your partner differently; with disgust, disdain.

A friend had been off and on with his girlfriend of 4 years. Each time we talked about the shortcomings of their relationship it was the same three things:
1 – She wasn’t a good communicator
2 – She wasn’t matured
3 – Her mother controlled her life

[Of course, since this was coming from a friend, I have no idea with her issues with him were.]

Each time she promised to work on things. At first, there would be an improvement: more talk, more head, less references to mommy dearest. Weeks would pass and slowly she would return to her old habits.

Finally, tired of hearing the same story I asked him:  Why are you with her if it’s clear that this is who she is.

Friend: I love her.

Me : Well, let me be the first to tell you, you can love someone and NOT be with them. At some point you 
have to love yourself more and MOVE ON.

Moving on is the greatest gift you can give to yourself.

Unhappy with work, friends, family, a relationship? Accept it for what it is. You can’t fix everything or everyone. More importantly, you shouldn’t suffer or feel like a failure because it didn’t work. Take the lessons you learned, use them to become a better person and…MOVE ON!

Unstructured Confessions of A Single Woman

My palms started to sweat…my heart started racing, I felt flush….

I started to think more about this theory of actually being open to a relationship with someone and all of a sudden, I didn’t feel so good….

Now, I’m not talking about really getting the runs…because for the record, women don’t do that…we don’t poop, or burp, or fart…

Has that ever happened to you? Has the thought of a relationship ever sent you running, not just from it but maybe running to the nearest bathroom? I think it’s more typical for people to think of the term “relation-shit” as their once good relationship turns bad but what about feeling sick BEFORE you even get to the relationship part?? The more I think about it, the more nervous I start to feel, and slightly nauseous too…
I started to getting flashbacks of my one long relationship, and thought, if I was open to entering one now with someone new, would it be the same?

These are my confessions.

I consider myself a very courageous person but I believe, courage is the direct result of facing a fear in the first place.  It’s been YEARS since I've been in a relationship. I am truly selective about whom I spend my time with and my next boyfriend will be someone I've considered marrying down the road…That’s how serious I take the “boyfriend/girlfriend” title.

Every time I meet a good guy I try asking the very popular question… “When was your last relationship? I always think about not asking at all. I mean, who really wants to know, even though I am always slightly curious. But when it comes up, all the scenarios starts popping up in my head: “I am divorced, never had a serious relationship, I have 3 children from 3 different baby moms ad so on”

When I started dating at the age of 20, it was easy, interestingly as time went on and as I got older, it became difficult. I guess it’s only the natural progression of life, that people will have had other relationships at my age, and would now probably be a red flag if at this point they hadn’t. Losing me happened rather quickly. I got so caught up in his world that I forgot who I even was…well, let’s face it, at 20 I didn’t know who I was but instead of trying to create myself, I tried to create what he wanted… which in the end I never did a good job of anyway…must have been the inner rebel in me.

My ex and I became more like friends than bf and gf. We never went out on dates once we got comfortable. I am NOT comfortable with comfortable! I want to keep things fresh and special even years from now. That ties into romance. I NEED that. My ex and I didn’t have that.

I’m not really afraid of monogamy, I’m afraid of monotony! I’m afraid, as I see so many couples, as it happened to me, that the “dating” part stops. Next thing you know every single weekend is spent in watching boring dvds, your skin begins to crave for some sun, and you possibly most definitely allow yourself to get FAT! That didn’t just happen to me right? RIGHT?! This shouldn’t happen…but don’t lie, you’ve seen it, and maybe you’ve experienced it, without even knowing its happening. These fears have actually sent me running in the other direction at times because I feel since that one major relationship, I have been happier alone.

In speaking of my one long term relationship, I want to make it clear that my ex was not a bad person. He was a kind and caring person. It just takes so many different people to make up this world and what I needed may not be what someone else needs and that’s why people break up and those same people work better with others. Because I spent years being so involved in his world, I feel these last few years, I have been making up for lost time. Going on adventures he would have never taken me on, and just being happy in ways I couldn’t be with him. The idea of losing that freedom again, scares me to death because so many times you fall in love and not even know what happened…to you.

Falling in love does not scare me. Falling out of love does….Being with the wrong person does. Sometimes I have this reoccurring thoughts that I am being forced to get married. I don’t even know the guy and my parents and family are literally pushing me down the aisle toward him. I am yelling “I don’t love him, I don’t even know him!” and all they keep saying is “It will be fine, it’s OK, you’ll be OK.”…oh and every single time…I’m in some HORRIFIC 70′S wedding dress. YUK! I always come back to reality with my heart racing.

Whenever I think about relationships, my thoughts seem to revert back to how much I love myself and how well I treat myself and how I don’t want to enter into a relationship for all that to stop. Even in over-analyzing for the sake of this blog and thinking about relationships…it’s not just about what the next guy will give to me, I want to make sure I am wonderful to that guy as well. Guys seem so much easier but I want to make sure I give him everything he wants and needs. I’m hoping that’s just God, Love and Faithfulness right?

It all turns my stomach into knots. Committing isn’t the issue; it’s who I become after I do. How do I find the balance? How do I remain aware of how to keep “me” as a priority? I know I eventually want to face this simply because the feeling of being in love is wonderful. I know I can have that feeling. I guess the only thing I can do is be who I would want to be with, in a relationship. Give him everything and hope he wants to do the same with me, not punish him for my past, or judge him for his, and only focus on treating each other well. The biggest obstacle for me is getting to the actual relationship part…which I will in due time…and will possibly buy enough Pepto-Bismol to deal with the side effects of the journey in the meantime.

Father's Love Letter

Dear Child of mine,

 You've been on my mind and heart for so long. I see you struggling, planning, worrying, sweating, crying and running around in circles at a furious pace. I see you're trying to move those mountains by yourself again. I asked that you cast all your cares on Me because I care about you. Think about what your worrying says to Me; because I really care about you. Think about what your worrying says to Me; when you refuse to give things over to Me. 

When you worry about money, you're telling me that I am unable to provide for My own child-You. That although I have riches beyond your wildest imaginations in Heaven; that I am unwilling to share them with you. 
When you worry that no one understands you, you're telling Me that even though I have been with you since before you were formed in the womb; and have carved you with the palm of My hand, that I do not know you.

When you worry that you will not have enough food; that although I rained down bread from heaven to feed my children in the desert; divided the loaves and the fishes; that I have forgotten you. When you worry that your enemies have victory over you, you're telling Me that although I have given you spiritual battle gear to wear to defend yourself, that despite My track record of being a Giant Slayer, Red Sea divider, Lion Mouth Closer, and a Furnace Cooler, that I can't handle your home; your family; your neighbor, or friends. 

When you worry that you won't be able to do enough to earn forgiveness, you're telling me “My Father, there’s no need for you to die for me, I can earn my own forgiveness. Let's just act like you never died”. You, telling Me I didn't need to go to the cross. 
When you worry that no one will love you, that you'll be lonely for the rest of your life, you're telling Me that My love is insufficient. That I couldn't possibly love you enough to ward away loneliness. You're saying that although I have promised life more abundantly, I am being untruthful. 

When you worry and refuse to give the problem over to me, you're telling Me that even though I created the world, I can't handle what's going on in your world. 
When you worry My Child you are saying that I can't work things out for you. That obstacle cannot be overcome, mountains cannot be climbed, healing cannot occur, what is lost will not be found, and that joy does not come in the morning. 

You are saying that I’m not the God of a second chance. That the promised land has been swallowed up by the desert and hat you have discovered the height, depth and width of My love and found it to fall short of your needs. 

Think about all that you're saying to the one who loves you the most and who has all power. I want you to really think about it! Then open your hands and release what you've been holding on to... to Me. Bow down on your knees and ask Me to forgive you for doubting Me. 

Walk away with a peaceful heart and note the footsteps that go before you to make the crooked places straight, a way in the wilderness and water spring forth in the desert are Mine. 

"Do not fear My Child, for I am with you always. Do not anxiously look about you, for I am here. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." ~Isaiah 41:10~ 

My Child; stand in a stream with waters around your ankles. The waters that you see pass by you at that moment is gone. So it is with the miseries that have challenged your life. Let it go... let it pass away. 

My Child; I am here with you now, and I will always be. 

Just let go, and let Me be Me. 

                                                                                                  Your Loving Father,

Worry Series: My Name is worry

My name is worry; some of you know me very well. I am probably the last thing you do before sleeping and the first thing on your mind as the day breaks. I am the one that makes you travel to the land of What If through many roads. Sometimes I get you there by making you watch the news or by making you have a conversation with a hurting friend, and sometimes I take you to the memory of your pain and heartache.

 I’m good at what I do!!

You see, there are so many problems with living with me, but when you find me as your companion sleep is impossible. I let your imagination run wild with every disaster theory I can get.  I love to watch you get trapped, pouring every last drop of your energy and attention into the “what if” thoughts, my very own creation.

 I tempt you into letting your fears define you!!

Like Dorothy, who thought she was trapped in Oz, You have the power to leave me. You just have to close your eyes, tap your heels together three times and keep repeating, “There’s no place like Peace. There’s no place like Peace.”  Before long, you will be sponge soaking in the world of peace, without me. But some of you love me so well; I’ve become a part of you.

I get stuck to you like glue!!

I am worry; I can offer you a lot- Tachycardia, hypertension and so much more…

Living with me or leaving me is your decision. 

What If?

What if there was no day?
Would we ever find our shadow?
Would we ever smile at the sun?
Would there ever be tomorrow?

What if there was no love?
Would people kill just to smile?
Would war find a home in this world?
Would we feel alive at all?

What if only the rich had wealth?
Would the poor ever survive?
Would the homeless ever go home?
Would the world be filled with greed?

What if envy was a good thing?
Would we hurt when someone has it all?
Would foes all be friends?
Would gossip ever exist?

What if I was like you?
Would we ever get along?
Would everyone trust me?
Would there be joy in this world?

What if all I write comes true?
Would I be considered a fool?
Would we ever live through it?
Would the world have a loud silence?

What if?

Karma or not ?

Not long ago, I had a conversation with a friend where he proclaimed a firm belief in the idea that "if you do good things, good things will happen to you." Further prying revealed that he did indeed have a strong belief in Karma.  Of course, I was fed a completely unsatisfying answer, "I believe in Karma but I don't think it always applies." So, basically, I'm being told that when you do good things, sometimes good things will happen to you and when you do something bad, bad things might happen to you.

Ultimately, as if it's not already clear, I do not believe in Karma. Just based on personal experience it doesn't seem to hold true and I think by its own nature, it is impossible. Karma cannot account for every result in the world. There are plenty of things which are outside our control... natural disasters, accidents, etc. Nor can one say that something negative happening to them is necessarily as a result of his past Karma... Tell that to the victims of the Nine Eleven. Still, it stands to reason that the more positive actions you perform, the more positive chains of events will occur and vice-versa.

I understand that people in general just use the term Karma loosely, because we ALL love it when a nemesis gets what was seemingly coming to them (i.e. status update: KARMA'S A *****, AIN'T IT?? followed by evil laughter :) But I have heard a lot of people state that they believe in karma. Why? It's completely beyond my understanding.

Get this, for every action that you, your friends, your old neighbor who ran off with an internet lover, or whoever commits there is a reaction somewhere, even though it doesn't necessarily have to come back to you or them. I'm just tired of hearing random people say when something good happened to them that it was karma. No, you got the internship because you worked yourself off in class and studied, and perhaps was even favored by the teacher.  I also strongly believe in God's favor because there were lots of times when good things happened to me, when I really didn't put any effort into making them happen. That’s God's favor; it was not karma looking out for me. When your ex knocks up someone from a one-night stand-- not karma! People breed everyday! Animals breed everyday! It's not a miracle or some cosmic force that made her egg become fertilized just to please you because your ex wronged you some time ago. It’s called “Cause and effect”. For every action, there is a reaction. 

 I'm going close with this: If karma exists, what did children ever do to get molested? Or die at birth? So how will they ever be righted? I don't believe in Karma, however I do believe in God, I have seen with my own eyes what he does. Yes I am a good person, but do good things happen to me all the time? No, especially not in love, but the bad things I do, I seem to receive payback for them without a doubt. So I guess it goes like this we reap what we sow, very true.

Not fussing at anyone in particular... I'm just tired of hearing people use Karma as an easy explanation for a difficult world.

La la la la, take me Home. Mummy, I’m coming Home


Hello Mum…

Hi Sweetie, how are you? Sorry we didn’t call to wish you Happy Easter, we were busy and had lots of guests around.

It’s ok, at least I’m glad everyone is ok.

Yes we are indeed fine. Well, I just wanted you to know that your brother is getting married in July and you have to come home.

*Jaw drops* OMG, seriously?. …As in seriously?

I can still recall every bit of the phone conversation I had with my mum today. Wow... Time changes, people grow up. It just seems like it’s always been us six (mom, dad, Ty, By, Tope, and me). Even with our cousin’s who were constantly around, we still have always been a unit.  So finally TY is going to marry his one and only love, Wunmi.  He has proposed and is going to walk down the aisle in July! It’s going to be such a wonderful day. Anyone that knows them knows that they are made for each other. Where one lacks, the other one makes up for. Where one shines, the other stands back in admiration. It’s really cute to watch. And although our family unit is happily changing, I will always have fond memories of the 6 of us laughing and spending good times together.

I’m so happy for him. He found a wonderful girl who loves the Lord and who loves him. They adore each other and are so cute together.  My now sister-in-law is wonderful and she sounds sweeter on the phone. I have no doubt that she will make my brother happy.

I admire my brother and YEAH!! I am very excited that he is getting married.  I’m even more excited that I will be there. I never even thought of going back home this year but now I’m so looking forward to July, spending so much time with my family is the best thing ever.

I have no doubt that Ty will be a faithful husband and father. God has given him a different story, a different adventure from mine, it’s clear that it’s the same God, the same Father weaving the details together into glory, into something beautiful. We’ll stand up in a few months in and we’ll ask Jesus to smile down on this new family. We’ll ask Him for the same miracle He’s been spinning for the last six thousand years…

What more can I ask for?

                                                    MUMMY I’M COMING HOME!!!

Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It's not something you get, it's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day!"- Barbara De Angelis