Untitled Moments

    So yesterday, I was so tired that I couldn’t even think straight. I must admit I have lots of days like that, I can’t say this enough but I DO HATE SCHOOL.  School feels like life imprisonment with no option of parole, ok maybe there is parole after all. Anyways, I have nothing specific to talk about today just updates about simple things that I’ve been going on in my life. 

  Yesterday night I had a dream that I was pregnant OMG….No way that is happening now (Hehehe it was all a dream anyway so). That probably happened because I was talking to a friend before I went to bed about children, so it is true what they say ‘be careful what you think of or say before you go to bed or they might just be your dreams’. Don’t get me wrong I want and love children but not enough to have them now when I'm not done with school or even have 7 of them...That will be overdoing the gift of God’s Union. When I was young we had this neighbour who had 11 children 0_0 (Haba…that one is too much abeg). Bottom line is this - Pregnancy does not appear on people like that,  so as always dreams can be silly.

   In case you want to know, I’m in a boring class typing this. If you are busy sitting there questioning how good a student I am then you must not have heard that all work and no play makes JILL a dull girl. My Lecturer is sick so why waste time by having stray thoughts and pointless fantasies. Yes I do have pointless fantasies, like how I want to be ‘wonder woman’ for a day and if I would actually look good in her costumes. Such a Childish Fantasy in a healthy soul.

  Something happened to me today on my way to school. I was halfway in the bus when I realized I had the wrong side of my clothes on, today was the day that God had to teach why I had to appreciate winter and the goodness of winter coats. I was about fishing for my bus fare when I realized that my long sleeve top was turned inside out, I closed my jacket immediately and when I got to school I hurriedly went to the restroom to change it. Truthfully it would have been the most embarrassing day for me if I had found out in the Hospital with loads of other students there.  Just so you know I was studying Roman 8:28 today in my bible and it says ‘And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose’. In case you are wondering what that has got to do with what happened today , well God has taught me that there is nothing too little to be grateful for.

 So February is ending tomorrow, Yay!! I want this year to run as fast as it can and I wouldn’t even mind it flying. I see so much happiness ahead of me that I can’t wait to grab it all. Life is so beautiful believe me, never think otherwise.

Yes, things wouldn’t all be smooth.

Yes, we might not always get what we want.

 But the moment you learn to walk towards the light at the end of the tunnel, from that very moment you begin to create your own happiness.

A friend once said that words can be created out of nothing and that every word exists if you want it to (Yeah I know, so not true otherwise we would all have our own dictionaries). Anyways I’m going say this- HUGZISS* for all those who have brought happiness to my life!!!

*Blending of Hugz and Kisses

Asa Lyrics- Be my Man

 My mama used to tell me girl it ain't that cool
To see a man you love
And start to act the fool
Tell me what's a girl in love supposed to do
Tonight, I'm breaking mama's rule

Baby there's alot of thing's I want to say
I'm in love with you its driving me insane
I know am sounding stupid but is it ok
To be your woman everyday

you will be my man
And I will be
Your woman everyday

Ooh baby we can take a walk around the park
And I can cook you dinner, it won't be so bad
Or we can laugh and talk about the friends you've had
And all the ones that made me mad

Ooh baby baby, we can stay up all night
We can argue, we can even start a fight
And I can laugh and say i love the way you smile
and everything will be just fine

You will be my man
And I will be
Your woman every day.

Asa Lyrics- Questions

Tell me how many women shall their dreams come to past
Tell me how many movies turn out real
There are so many questions
Questions how hard to ask
So you can understand exactly how I feel

Tell me how many people wish they were someone else
Someone that think the world wants them to be
Tell me how many babies will be born just to die
Leaving me with these questions
Asking why

Tell me how the trees whisper
How the birds learn to sing
And how does the rainbow stay the same
How the bees make their honey
How do they learn to sting
Can a broken heart get back to heal

How do people get so busy they dont find time to love
What's the truth behind why people go to war
Why is it so many religions yet there's so little to love
Will I ever get to know the truth some day

When the youth's gonna dare - where's the elder who really cares
Why do people believe things they know arent true
When you look into the mirror who do you see
Why do we have to grow to be wise

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/questions_lyrics_asa.html
All about Asa: http://www.musictory.com/music/Asa

Is Love really enough?

  Recently I heard Patty Smyth’s song, “Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough” and it’s one of the most common problems in relationships around me. I hear people all the time are still together because they’re in love but for all the wrong reasons. It’s hard to let someone go because the feelings are so strong that it seems impossible to let go,  but in relationships  love is not the only component. I think it’s a huge reason why so many people get divorced because all the other components are unstable and uncertain. Before I get into any relationships I always ask myself do I have common interests, values and support beyond love with this person? Because if we do, I believe we have a greater likelihood of a long-term relationship and connectivity than if we have love alone.

  When I was young (small-young, not just younger-than-now), I remember encountering this same statement  “sometimes, love isn’t enough.” And being young, I thought this was a very stupid thing to say. After all, “love” was supposed to be a very important thing and I couldn’t see how it could fall short. This was that period in my life when I was reminded from time to time that I love my brother, even when I was pretty sure I didn’t because he  broke that really cool Lego part with the funky angle bit. And if love was stronger than Lego-rage, then how could it ever not be enough? The truth is If love was the only requirement for relationship survival, divorce rate would be near 0%. In fact, if only love was needed to sustain a long-term relationship, couples would never have arguments. Facing the truth, sometimes Love isn’t just enough.

Relationships are hard. They take work. In essence, you should not only love the person you're with, but also be willing to meet them halfway on sacrifices and compromises, and all of those other things that are needed for optimal relationship survival.

Does love conquer all?

I don’t know.

Does love heal?

I don’t know.

But I am certain that love helps, especially when you find the person who is the missing piece to your puzzle.

Free Verse Poem for Rev 19 :6-9

I’ve dreamed of the man I’d want to be with forever: 
Strong, smart, kind, tender and romantic.
But you know what? I got better.
My groom loved me before I even met him,
committing himself to me on that special memorable day
When they drilled a nine inches nail down his hands
Savoring the pungent smell of Sour Vinegar
He didn’t know I would say I do,
But he kept saying I love you
Seeing we are two halves of the same soul,
happily bound together by a united, everlasting love.
A love worth dying for…
He said he would come back for me
He wrote 66 books to me, just for me
66 books with priceless love notes
Whispering to me that the best is yet to come--
Beautiful tomorrows filled with even more happiness
An unending source of indescribable pleasure.
Yes, Pleasure
How then can I trade that for persistent lies?
Lies from tempting suitors, offering nothing for something
Talking of how the love of my life may never come back
Laughing and ranting about how stupid I look
Seating at the door step in my Spotless white dress
Get this, I look beautiful
Just the way he would like to see me on our wedding day..
I can almost picture it….
Me walking down the golden aisle
Swaying to the melody of angelic voices
As they sing our song..
A perfect wedding
A perfect Groom
A Bride fit for a King

"I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy!

   I love Bob Marley, but who doesn’t anyway, it’s over 30 years after his death and it’s still hard to find anyone with even the most casual passing knowledge of music who doesn't know who Marley is. He's an international icon. I remember watching this video of him playing with his back to the crowd. The band carried him for the most part, though he did a stirring rendition of Redemption Song; only to find out  that he was sick - diagnosed with cancer just the day before that performance. Such a pity! 

I love bob's songs. No woman no cry and I shot the sheriff is one of my Favorite.

When I was younger I never really understood what the song “I shot the Sheriff” meant but now I’m going to try to break down the way I understand it. The beauty of this song is that the lyrics can be looked at it many different ways, and can also be interpreted differently depending on the person who is interpreting it.

The song, like many Bob Marley’s songs is about Injustice. I doubt this song is entirely about cannabis as a lot of people think. I'm sorry to be really annoying, but Bob Marley was about MUCH MORE than just marijuana. It drives me nuts when people think he was some sort of drug legalization crusader.  We are talking about a man that received recognition from the UN for moving peace in Africa and fighting for the rights of all people.  Anyway, not every word of the song should be taken literally. To me, this song is referring to the blatant injustice that went/goes on in the world. The entire shooting of sheriff brown is a representation of the corruption in the police force/government, especially against minorities. Sheriff Brown had been trying to kill him, so he had to defend himself, but in the end was convicted of murder of the Deputy too - blatant injustice. I think the name John Brown is an ambiguous name, I don't think he is/was a real person. It just represents the prejudice of the government at the time of the release of the song. Remember, Marley's stuff was very political and social in nature. That’s just my opinion anyway.

PS: Eric Clapton's version is good, but Bob Marley's original goes straight for the heart and gut.

I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy.
I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy.

All around in my home town
they’re trying to track me down.
They say they want to bring me in guilty
For the killing of a deputy,
For the life of a deputy.
But I say:

I shot the sheriff, but I swear it was in self-defense.
I shot the sheriff, and they say it is a capital offense.

Sheriff John Brown always hated me;
For what I don't know.
Every time that I plant a seed
He said, "Kill it before it grows."
He said, "Kill it before it grows."
I say:

I shot the sheriff, but I swear it was in self-defense.
I shot the sheriff, but I swear it was in self-defense.

Freedom came my way one day
And I started out of town.
All of a sudden I see sheriff John Brown
Aiming to shoot me down.
So I shot, I shot him down.
I say:

I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy.
I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy.

Reflexes got the better of me
And what is to be must be.
Every day the bucket goes to the well,
But one day the bottom will drop out,
Yes, one day the bottom will drop out.
But I say:

I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy, oh no.
I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy, oh no.

"Trust your Instincts"

  Is it me or English is just too complicated? I must admit I love the language but it just confuses me sometimes. By the way no day goes by without me learning a new word, ‘DONNING’ is the latest. Ok that is that, back to my main topic today which is ‘INSTINCTS’. Yeah that little word that gets used a lot that at times I feel it’s been abused. Why do people say things like ‘trust your instincts’. That doesn’t work for everyone, you can’t just go about telling anyone who comes to you for advice to trust their instincts! Get this, some people are just naturally paranoid and at this point asking them to trust their instincts is like telling them to embrace their paranoia.

  So instinct is defined as an inborn pattern of behaviour shaped by centuries of human experience, it is part of the personality that senses danger and safety. Bottom line-  Instinct is the jungle wisdom that tells you when to wait, when to take action, who to trust and who not to trust. Some say you can’t always tell the difference between instincts and fear, well maybe but if instincts are what I think they are then it always points towards something while fear pulls you away from something. For example Instincts help you find answers to your questions while fear helps you run away from them. Keep this in mind, fear always comes along with anything that makes you grow or stretch outside of your comfort zone.

Let’s paint a scenario together, perhaps you were with a boyfriend/girlfriend discussing something and along the line he/she gave you certain information. So few weeks later he/she comes up to you and tells you something different that is very contradictory to what they said earlier, fortunately you are the one with the good memory. There and then you realize that your bf/gf is lying to you, that is because you feel this great thug in your heart telling you something is wrong, but you are not too sure what is it. The First question is- Could it be your instincts telling you they are lying or can it be the fact that you knew for sure they were lying based on a solid fact? Second question- If you definitely think it’s your instincts working here, what do you do, trust it?  Now you see why I said English is complicated...lol silly me that definitely has nothing to do with English :)

I’ve come to realize that the issue of instincts comes in when it has to do with issues of the heart or mostly dangerous situations. From experience, I feel my body senses danger even way before my mind does. You know that sudden chill you feel around a certain person that makes you feel prickly around him/her that even though you are bored you would rather excuse yourself permanently than spend uncomfortable hours with them. Yeah I get this sometimes, but the truth is half of the time it’s just me being cynical. I’m not saying you should never trust your gut, yeah you should but you can’t base all your life decisions basically on what your instincts tell you. Sometimes you could be wrong. Truthfully the concept of ‘Instincts’ is one thing I may never understand thoroughly; nevertheless I’ve learnt to trust and believe in people until proving otherwise.

Anyway, never let fear override your instincts or intuition. We need to pay attention to how we feel about situations vs. how we think about them, so that even when our head is screaming that we are insane our mind totally remains at peace.
Have a sleek week everyone. X

Memories of a lost dream

  I strolled aimlessly at the train station. It was very obvious that my nerves were getting the best of me; I was busy twisting my middle finger like I always did when my nerve failed me.  ‘Ok, twenty more minutes’ I thought, focusing my gaze on the two elderly couples looking for a seat prior to their train departure. Aww, so cute I silently murmured. My mind was drifting away from them…was drifting to two weeks ago…

  ‘’I am tired of Facebook and all the social media sites this days, they are kind of boring. Gosh I need a life; things were getting a bit too lonely and the same old routine. I need something to look forward to everyday’’ I seriously pondered. Just like always I was busy going back to the same old routine of clicking profiles and reading lousy about ME’s. Well that was when I saw him. I will never know if it was boredom that made me type the words to him or maybe it’s the curiosity I have in me, after all curiosity never did kill anything. Whichever way I just couldn’t stop myself from connecting with him.
Few hours later, I was nervous to open the email blinking before my eyes, perhaps it was the fear of what was written inside or probably because I felt cheesy for sending the message and now I’ve gotten a reply and I couldn’t even get myself to open it.

 Finally I did.

Five Words changed everything. “Yes, we can be friends”

  It was the sound of the little boy screaming for some candy that knocked me back to the moment. I smiled sheepishly at how I wondered off again to my own very world. The two couples were no longer there. I checked my time and I had actually gone to memory land for about ten minutes.

 ‘You are so freaking weird’ I said to myself.

  There was an empty seat right across the candy shop; I hurriedly went to take it before someone else could. No doubt that my leg needed some rest now. I had gone to meet an old school mate earlier for a cup of coffee, afterwards I took a mini tour of the city hoping to while away some time. Talking of time, I glanced at my wrist watch. It was time. I could hear the pounding of my heart over my ears. I brought out my phone to play some games, that will surely help me calm down. It always does. I was totally winning my game when I heard his voice over my bent head.  ‘Hey, sorry I’m late he said’. I was mesmerized by how cute he was and all I could say was ‘that’s ok’. The rest was mystery.

  We were busy sipping coffee and laughing at how stupid the movie was.

It felt like home.

No it was home.

   I leaned against him, my head on his solid chest as he wrapped his arms around me.  I felt safe and secured. I knew at that moment that we were meant to be. Things had gone so fast from the moment we met. The chemistry was undeniable, it was very clear that we both wanted to be in a relationship with one another. Throwing caution to the wind, we took a bold step together. Things were right, so right that it felt like fantasy. I don’t believe in fairy tales but I was having one of my own. My very own ‘Cinderella story’. I looked up to stare into the eyes of my prince; I could see all the care in there.

“Will you be mine?” He whispered

 I smiled “I’ve always been yours”

He lowered his head to meet mine. I knew it was the magical kiss….I didn’t have to kiss many frogs to meet my prince...

I shut my eyes awaiting the feel of his lips against mine….

  My alarm beeped repeatedly, jolting me out of the best moment of my life. How could it be a dream? No way. I tightly shut my eyes hoping it will all come back again.

‘God, this is what I want’ I prayed silently.

  I knew it was time to get up and get over my dream, but I was determined. I’m finding my prince charming and when I do I’m going to lose myself in every fairy tale we create together.

Child Sexual Abuse: Absolutely Unaccepted Part 1

   So yesterday I was reading about how a young girl was being molested by her father, it kind of brought tears to my eyes. Why do people have such evil in them? A 45 yr old man, molesting his 5yr old daughter? Where is the world going? Why would anyone want to prey on the innocence of a child? So many lingering questions with no meaningful answers. Some pervy molester once said – Children are seductive. Total Bullshit! It's just another way of trying to excuse his behavior and pass on the blame to the child. Sex offenders exploit a child's curiosity and his need for affection, and then blame the child! This is absolutely pathetic.

   Children Sexual abuse happens every single day and in different ways, just because we don’t see them does not mean they don’t. Some children are abused by strangers (rarely), while others (mostly) are abused by someone they know, yeah! People they know. The sad news is majority of molested children are perpetrated by family members, close relatives or people who have close proximity to them. It’s so sad to think that anyone would use physical force, or the threat of force to molest a child not to talk of your own blood and family. Gosh no matter how it occurs or who did it, it is a violation of a Child's body and it can have lasting emotional consequences. 

   It pains my heart when sometimes these children confide in someone; mostly their mum and they actually do not believe them. Children usually get this reaction when they tell their mother about her husband or boyfriend abusing them. This can happen because mothers have conflicting allegiances; they love their children and their mate. It’s hard to believe someone they love could commit such a monstrous act, particularly on their own child. It can become very traumatic. Sometimes, depending on whom, where, etc, the child even loves and protects the perpetrator more. Some children feel "special" about the abuse, as it may be the only attention or physical contact they are getting.

   Ok, I’ve heard enough of the crap-IT ISN'T SEXUAL ABUSE IF THE CHILD CONSENTED. For crying out loud how can a child consent to being abused, this is just absurd. A consenting individual is aware of what they are doing, has an understanding of the consequences, and is free from any manipulation or coercion to choose a certain way. If a person is NOT capable of knowing what they are getting into, how can it be said that consented? If a child is abused again and again, HE/SHE DID NOT CONSENT, AND IT IS STILL ABUSE. The reason is that a child is not a fully sexual being. Children are not supposed to be, a child is not fully aware of sex and all its complexities, and their own sexuality is expected to develop slowly and surely over the course of many years. Some children tend to 'go along' with the abuse in order to ensure that they get through it; but submission does not mean consent. 

   What if a gun is pointed at your head and you're told to rob someone or you get your head blown off, the issue of consent doesn't even enter into it. How can you really make a choice, when one choice offered is death?

  Some people just tend to keep silent on the issue of sexual abuse generally. Children being molested, people being raped and yet we just fold our hands and say to ourselves ‘IT CAN NEVER HAPPEN TO ME’ plainly telling you the truth, yes it can be you! You can be old, young, fat, tall, small, black, white, gay, straight, a cop, a student, whoever, and rape or abuse could still happen to you. Yes it’s all too comfortable to believe that you're immune to being potentially raped or sexually assaulted; in the firm believe that you couldn't be raped because you're too nice, too white or too uptight, which gives you a false sense of security. "I couldn't be raped," because I never go out at night alone." "I couldn't be raped, because I'm a man." "I couldn't be raped".. for any of a number of highly superstitious reasons, but why hide behind the powerful spell of denial. Anybody can be abused. There are never any 100% guarantees for being safe.  Trust your instinct and stay away from people who make your skin crawl or who make you feel unsafe. It's a beautiful world out there, but as you know all too well, it has the potential to be a violent one too, so use your head and stay safe!

To be continued…

Spoken words: Love from God’s Perspective

Hey Guys, so we had this program called a 'love filled life' and I wrote this spoken words to present with my friends, Temmy and Edima.

Love from God’s Perspective

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have the everlasting life”
-John 3:16

You see, Love is more than just a flighty emotion
It’s a pure feeling independent of nothing
I’m not here to define love according to
Encyclopedia or Wikipedia
Because God defined Love on the cross of Calvary
Having no distinction for Gender, Race or Age
He didn’t care about your money or beauty
Coz while you were yet sinners Christ died for you.
You see his love is neither limited nor demanding
But rather flawless and bedazzling
What you call love is nothing compared to his
Love is God and God is Love.

We agree that God is love and love is God.
Why then do we love some and hate some?
Why do we smile with no love in our hearts?
We get busy buying those expensive shoes
while our neighbor is right there fighting starvation
Then we go ahead and laugh at his thin shaped chest
and how he caught a Sexually transmitted Disease.
Yet we cry out, about how we love God and love men
Tricking ourselves into believing the concept of
 Loving only the givers and despising the takers.
 But you know what? God has a greater definition of love.
 It includes Me, You and that hopeless child on the street

Everyone deserves to be loved… I mean everyone
Is it that homeless man with no good shoes
And painful blisters at the sole of his feet
Or that old woman dying of a chronic disease
That keeps even her family away from her
Is it that lonely boy hoping for a true friend?
To hold his hands when all seem to be a blur.
Yet we love only those who can love us back
Who are you to decide who to hate or love?
Indeed Loving someone is easy…Too easy
But loving them as you, that takes God...
Only God

Love is holding the person next to you , Love is about telling them it will be ok, Love is what God says it is.
Love from man’s point of view is simple but Love from God’s point of view is smooth.

Silly facts about me few people know until now

I like to wiggle my toes when I’m waiting for something or someone – like in the waiting room or before I make a speech. It makes me less nervous.

I have rather short legs to match my short height. I love that. The fact that they’re short makes them easier to go around with. Can you imagine if I had long legs? They might go in different directions from each other, or something. Then what would I do? Short legs work very well for me.

Okay, I must confess. I love the way I look in high heel shoes, but they are nowhere as special as low heel shoes. They do not make my heart beat fast. I feel more comfy in low heels and silk stockings. I always feel like a tough girl from the 1930′s in them. How great is that?!

Speaking of stuff that bothers me: I hate putting things on my face. They say it’s better to put some cream on your face if you don’t want to shrivel up like an old potato one day. Once I got all the latest cream I could. But once I had put one of them on, it made me feel so sticky that I had to immediately wipe it off with a very hot towel. I couldn’t help it. My whole face rebelled against the stickiness. Speaking of sticky: Once I put on some honey extract rejuvenating cream on my face and got pimples for a week. That was not good.

Now hats! I think no one has an idea that I love hats, since I am not always wearing one. Hmm…Maybe I just like hats. Or maybe I think I will look taller if I wore one. Or maybe I think people’s focus will go to my hat and not my face if I was wearing one…lol. Of course, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with my face, honey. A girl does not have to hide under a hat, ever. If there were a few wrinkles and shades, they just make you look more interesting…. So they say.

I use to hide my face with hands every time I’m around so many people. My mom would say to me “Show me your face. Look, you’re beautiful. I don’t know why you are hiding beneath that hair.”

I always like to look at the sky and feel like my home is somewhere far away. Weird but true.

I use to love wandering. I use to walk about the city aimlessly, but with the speed of the wind! I can’t do that now. If I do it now it would be unfair to my body in this cold winter time.

When I daydream, I go all the way to the end of the Earth, and come back. It’s a nice exercise. Well actually, not always. Sometimes I just go to the city I love. Once I was flying low in Paris only to realize I’m still day dreaming.

In a day, sometimes I feel so much love for the world; I think my heart might burst. Sometimes, I feel so scared; I want to shrink myself even further.

I’m guessing no one knows all this until now.

Have a good day!
PS: my friend started this new blog, you should check it out -> Idle musings of a young Nigerian girl

If I could

Poetic words say a lot... This was written for a very special friend of mine. It’s time people realize that there is a miracle called friendship. I dedicate this to all those out there who have that special friend they don’t want to lose.

If I could change the way the clock ticks
We would be sipping a lemonade mix
On a cool summer night
Watching the birds alight
As they kiss the sky goodbye
In the blink of an eye
If only I could.

If I could stop the Dawn of the day
Only so we could run away
To where the world makes no sound
There we’ll find our pleasure ground
In each other’s graceful embrace
We find our hiding place
If only I could.

If I could get a single replay
Of my life day after day
I’ll fast forward to the time
When your lips whispered to mine
As my thoughts missed its way
It felt like heavens bay
If Only I could.

The Cry of an Unborn Child

The Cry of an Unborn Child

It rained last night.
And I know you could have sworn you saw my face in the rain.
And every time it rains nearby I want you to imagine that’s how it would’ve sounded if I cried

I held my stomach thinking about how this pain is sucking the life out of me,
About how I paid $300 to get you sucked right out of me.
I’m sorry that my womb had to become a tomb bearing yours dreams that will never exist
Believe me when I say I let the tears you would have cried come alive in my eyes.
You do not know how many nights I screamed I’m sorry
to the skies, hoping that you could hear me

They say blood is thicker than water.
But Blood can never be thicker than my fetus slaughtered
Sucked out of you
Stopping up toilets of hospital restrooms
How could you

But I wasn't ready.
Heart pumping heavy with mistakes,
I’d rather have aborted you than have grown to become the mother you hate.
Because holding you and holding grudges would have become symmetrical
Vacuuming my inside,  of you.
Worthless like last night vegetables.

Just tell me
Are you happy now?
Because for the rest of your life you will be haunted by the illuminating essence of sun light
Because every time you have the ability to see yourself
You will know what I look like
God knows what you’ve done
He wrote you messages in the form of lightning.
Perfectly scripted letters against gray skies,
How many times do I have to cry through the sky for you to realize
Momma we never had the proper goodbye?

I’m sorry for wrapping my virginity in a blanket and leaving it on God’s doorstep,
Hoping that he would find you because honestly I knew I didn’t deserve to have you.

Can you hear the sound of my grandmother humming as she clutches rosary beads close to breast?
Spines erect, infants walk upright up here.
Imitating the life that you never allowed me to have.
Looking down on mothers like you,
Who cradle their swollen bellies pregnant with broken dreams.
Your gums, suckling on old teenage love songs.
Ma, You disgust me
I can tell by the way you hold your purse you’re still a baby.
But since when does that give you the right to abort your only baby?

I was forced to grow old with fresh milk still crusted above my lips
And I thought, “Maybe if I bob my head a little harder, I could suck his soul from him.”
But swallowing his future never guaranteed that I would be a part of it so I choked, gagged, coughed up generations of broken children and back alleyway babies that were never able to make their way out my womb.
You don’t know how many times I slit my wrist in honor of you

I do
I know that you never look in the mirror because you’re afraid to see my face
But how can you continue to breathe knowing that you buried my cradle 6 feet
You cut my umbilical cord because you could never let me swallow what you eat

My vagina bleeds your tears
Exposing my true fears of your existence
You know the doctor told me you grew fingernails
And every day I feel the scars of the letters you’ve carved
And I hate myself for letting people come so far inside me they can read them

It rained last night.
And I know you could have sworn you saw my face in the rain.

Song for Mama!!

 So I finally gathered the courage to play in front of the Camera..lol...I wrote this song for my Mum. I wasn't audible enough :( I was kinda shy. But here are the lyrics though..;) Just so you know...I ain't no song writer :P

When I was young
My Mama once told me
That life is a song
and no one can change it
Oh no....Oh no..

I'm here today
writing a lyrics
of how by the day
my life is a music
Oh no...oh oh no.

My mama was right
she gave me good wisdom
I'm writing this song
to tell her how awesome
She is....oh ..oh..she is

I love you mama
you're a woman of honor
you brought me up
in no way no one could
I know....I..I..know...

I love you Mama...I love you Mama...
Oh Oh...Oh ....

Valentine Fever

   In Roman times, there was an Emperor Claudius II who was in power. He was devoted to expanding the Roman Empire and was trying to recruit more soldiers. He banned marriages because he thought that if men had no wife to leave they would be less reluctant to join the army. A priest named Valentine thought this was unfair and began marrying couples in secret. Obviously he was found out eventually and sentenced to death. He was executed on February 14th 269 AD (roughly) and that's one version of why THEY call it Valentine's day.

  I’ve never been a fan of holidays I don’t understand, don’t get me wrong I see nothing wrong with people celebrating love or something but I think Valentine is just overrated. Why have only one day to make your loved one feel special.. If they are that important they should know every day!! Every day should be filled with love and compassion for your loved ones, not just Valentine’s Day. It's all just a silly excuse for companies to make money off of couples who are basically forced by their significant other to get them something. You don't need spend money to show someone you love and care about them deeply, and if you do they are definitely worth more than a bunch of chocolates or jewelry. :)

   Some People make a big deal out of Valentine, Everywhere you go there is always someone trying to make an atmosphere of love . Like cut-out hearts everywhere and I also keep getting all this emails about Valentine and all that…Grrhhh…What about those people who have no Partners or Families? Have you ever thought of that? I was thinking to myself lately if I could spend Valentine with anyone this year it would be doing something nice for someone who has nothing or no one. I think they get more depressed and frustrated during this period. Anyways I hope they find comfort.

  To be Candid the Idea of Valentine is sweet, but the way people go about it these days seem to amaze me. I’m not Valentine-phobic, definitely not. What I don’t get is why people will treat Valentines as the Superbowl of Romance or even their Relationship.  I don't think there should be any reason why we can't do sweet things for those we love on days other than Valentine's Day. I definitely think a lot of people are leaning off celebrating this V day more than ever, or at least celebrating it in a more realistic fashion...cooking at home and so on, and to me this is much more personal and meaningful anyway. 

  I’m a hopeless romantic but I’m also realistic and I think most of us would agree that Valentine’s Day can get very overrated.

Just another thought.

Some say life is unfair, well for me I take life as it comes. Maybe we are destined to meet hard times in life so it can make us better or maybe it's just fate punishing us for the things we did, we might never know. Either ways, two things I've learnt is never to complain too much about what life dishes me and that no matter how strong you are, when the weak times come only the giant in you can survive it.

  When I look back at my life I always smile but sometimes I wonder if I could live my life over again, what would I do differently? What would I never change? I guess I will never know. I don't regret anything presently in my life, Yes I've made mistakes but most of them made me who I am today. No matter how long you keep making mistakes, what matters is that you do not allow them define your future. You see everyone has some good in them and most times we long to share that part of us with someone who can appreciate us. Experience has taught me never to be afraid to share that with people because while you are busy protecting your feelings, someone else is feeling unloved.

  I remember in high school a friend said to me 'one day you will write and do great things', right now I find myself looking back at that very moment and it made me realize I do have a long way to go. One step at a time. You know how people have a list of things they want to do before they die, I never understood why anyone would do that but recently I found myself penning down those same things in my diary. Hmm, anyways the truth be told it's taking me forever to find 10 things I really want to do before I die. It's so obvious that things like that cannot be thought of in a day. You have to search deeply for those things that give your life meaning.

  My mum taught me that scaling through one phase of life is not an automatic victory neither is it a stop sign because after one phase a bigger test comes that will push you into letting go of everything you believe in. I
can still remember what she said 'Well, when that time comes, there is no guaranty I will be there for you but you have to realize that the key to over coming anything is not giving up. I love my Mum, I really do.

To be continued.....

Racism or just plain old mean

When it comes to Racism I try to be silent on the topic, probably because I’ve always wondered if I should write on such an evil topic that provokes such bitter controversy and hatred. Racism is one of the vilest of social cancers. Here is my recent experience-

I and my friends were walking down the road trying to survive the cold snowy evening, it was a -23 but definitely felt like a -30. As we hurried along, this middle aged man strongly hit me with his shoulder :(. He didn’t even look back or care, it was very clear he did it on purpose. Plain old mean I thought. That was just unfair, but It wasn’t enough for me to lose my grip over so we went along. Not more than 50 meters from there, some young boys were walking towards us; they were probably around 11-12 years of age. The next thing I knew one of them picked up a snow ball and threw it at us and shouted you black ********, we were practically angry and screaming at them but they kept laughing and screaming monkeys like that was the only English words they knew.

    One of my friends just stood there staring at them and they kept kicking and pouring snow on her. She just stood and watched. I felt a tear about to fall down my cheek but I sucked it up because I wasn't about to give them their satisfaction by crying ;(. Due to my standards. I wasn't ready to stoop down to their level to actually Say some hurtful things back. After that we just did what was right for the situation. We walked away. Why stay? Obviously their pathetic little lives seem to breed nothing but weakness which causes them so much harm they must latch onto something or someone.

I’ve always thought that racism is based on experiences that people have had with other races, and that made them bitter but thinking of those young kids screaming such mean words, gave me a different light to it. You see racism is fueled by ignorance and fear, and it should not exist. It's ridiculous to make assumptions about people because of the color of their skin, but people do it all the time. See this is the strange thing; people are racist out of fear, probably because of insecurity, misinformation, or normally some sick excuse. No Man is superior to another because of his race be it Black, White, Arabs or Asians. Wake up people! Racism is just a childish hate, bigotry usually hidden by blind patriotism....

Analysis of Maya Angelou's phenomenal woman.

Many call Maya Angelou a Feminist for writing this poem and some even say the poem has no positive side,  but only because they don’t understand the reason behind the poem. I totally connect to what she is saying. Simply put all she is saying that women who rely on their pretty appearance to attract men cannot understand why men will pass over them to get to a strong, intelligent, and phenomenal woman. It really talks about accepting yourself and how you are because God created you in his own image. Maya is full of expression in every gesture. There is no shame in being comfortable with you and being confident does not mean a person is pompous. This poem states that just being you is all a woman needs to do to be attractive and alluring to men.

by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing of my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see.
I say
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou.

20 Things I don’t Like

I try as much as I can not to dwell on the negatives but common, writing 2o things I don't like can never hurt :) 

1.       Snakes
2.       Nuts
3.       Ignorance
4.       Cold
5.       Lady Gaga
6.       People who don’t smile back when you smile at them
7.       Those who don’t see the importance in reading books
8.       People who are money obsessed
9.       Bullies
10.   Pretenders
11.   Halitosis
12.   Mean people
13.   Washing dishes
14.   Stubbing my toe
15.   Those who don’t take their shower or wear clean clothes
16.   People who want you to fit into the box they have created for you
17.   Eating fish with bones
18.   Revenge
19.   Long Air flights
20.   Drunks