Friends With Benefits Is An Oxymoron

  “Friends with benefits” is an oxymoron. Exactly what benefits do you have in a situation like this?
You don’t have the benefit of being long term friends, because the sex always gets in the way. There are some  “friends with benefits” situations, although fewer than you would think where both parties do not want more, neither hopes it becomes more, and the situation ends on a positive note. So who is really benefiting from this arrangement?


  “Friends with benefits” rarely, if ever, leads to a healthy relationship. So those entering into situations like this hoping it will lead to more are disappointed and hurt when it doesn’t turn out as they hoped. People who think they can use each other for meaningless sex and keep their friendship intact are deluding themselves because the friendship almost always ends badly. What kind of friend wants to use you for sex but doesn’t like you enough to try a relationship with you? Not a very good one! What kind of friend thinks that you should let someone (even them) use you for sex? A real friend? No. So not only are there no real benefits, but there is no real friendship either. If the two of you are “such good friends” why would you risk losing the friendship for sex?

  So is the term “friends with benefits” a less offensive way of describing a booty-call? Yeah, that sounds about right, considering they are pretty much one and the same. Both can be defined as casual sex with no strings attached. (And almost always someone wanting more, but getting hurt in the end).

SOUNDS AWESOME DOESN’T IT? < —note: sarcasm

  So who came up with this “friends with benefits” crap and decided to try and make it a mainstream “good idea”? (Also, please tell me why it seems to be working while you are at it.) Who is it that really “benefits” here? People that want to use other people for sex and have no strings attached. That’s who.

  I guess it just sounds better to some people to have a person tell them they want to be friends with benefits than to simply say I want to have sex with you and maybe hang out with you a little here and there but that is it. It may sound better, but it still sucks and is disrespectful. Why aren't people more insulted when someone offers them something as lame as this? If some guy walked up to you and told you “Hey, I want to get you in the sack but am offering you nothing but alleged friendship” wouldn't you think “What a FREAK!”? And wouldn't you also feel insulted while contemplating stomping his nuts into powder? You should! Being offered the “friends with benefits” package of bullshit should make you think and feel the same way. That is bad enough coming from a stranger, but from your friend? What kind of friends do you have for God’s sakes?

Believe it or not 'friends with benefits' is an oxymoron.

Friends or Close Friends ?



  I believe most of us unconsciously make differences between friends and close friends. To me, friends are those I hang around with. We share common interests, talk about a lot of interesting things and do some activities together. They are friends to me. But I realize that even though they are my friends, it doesn’t necessarily mean I can talk my problems with them.

   My close friends, on the other hand, are those whom I can always share with, whom I turn to when I am faced with challenges. Their existences affect me as a person. In other word, I do consider their opinions in decision making, and their lifestyles can easily influence me. To be honest, I do choose my close friends. I don’t mean to boast, but it is true that you can easily be my friend but not be my close friend. You need to gain my trust to be one. And that’s the reason I do hurt when I realize those whom I thought close friends were actually not.

   What I am saying here is actually the reflection of my value-Accepting. I accept everyone to be my friends but I don’t accept everyone to be my close friends. It sounds harsh, huh? But even the bible warns us to choose our friends carefully (Proverbs 12:26). If I translate the verse into my daily life, it says to me that I am supposed to choose my close friends, who can influence me with their thinking and lifestyle, on the other hand, accepting means to accept everyone inside out. I am learning how to accept everyone completely as my friends. What I mean by inside out here is that I don’t want to smile at a person while I actually curse him or her in my heart. The word “curse” simply means the opposite of “bless”. If you don’t bless a person, the other only possibility is that you curse that person.

   How about those who do not accept us? Those who are not worth of our acceptance? Do we still have to accept them? What if they even harm us? Stabbed behind our back? One amazing part of Jesus’ teaching is to love your neighbors, including loving your enemy. Again, if I translate it to my daily life (I’m not a bible scholar though =P), enemy includes those who reject you, those who you thought friends but they had stabbed behind your back, and even those simply hate you for no reasons. You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. (Matthew 5:43)

   Now consider why Jesus would want us to love others even if they persecute us! The answer is as simple as to practice God’s love. Weren’t we once God’s enemy? Yet He accepts us! Were we actually worthy of God’s acceptance? No! What do we have to offer when we were living in our sinful lives? Nothing! We have received love from God, and that should be our power to love others.

   Yes, I choose my close friends. But I don’t have a choice to choose my friends, because by His love, it is enough for us to even love our enemies. He wants me to change my enemy attitude inside me to be a friend attitude.

   To do God’s command, it does take faith. It is by faith that we see God taking care of everything, including our heart, disappointment and anger. It is by faith that God’s love is able to change our situation, even to change from an enemy to a friend.