A twist in a fairy Tale

One day her wish was fulfilled and the Queen and King named her Snow White. The Queen died when she got into a chariot pileup, and soon her husband remarried. He remarried a beautiful pheasant woman. Soon after she became queen, she could not stand nor bear the thought of a soul being more beautiful than she. She grew jealous of her step-daughter and demanded that the fisherman drown Snow White. The king was aware of the conspiracy, so he followed the fisherman without being noticed. He jumped him and paid him off with a goat and two chickens. The fisherman took one of Snow White’s shoes and dipped it in the water as proof of her drowning. The King then took his daughter, and went looking in the forest till he found a cottage. He asked her to hide in the house and went back to the castle.

Walking through the larger doorway Snow White saw a strange sight. For this was no ordinary cottage. From outside the cottage seemed to be two levels… but as she looked up she saw a high ceiling. Then she saw seven giant beds and humongous furniture throughout the house. Snow White was so very tired and climbed up the edge of one of the sheets that barely touched the floor so she could get to the top to sleep on one of the beds. The Seven Giants came home and said there is an odd smell. Snow White being so tired did not awaken to their stomping around. The Green Giant saw her on the Blue Giant’s bed. She barely took up half the bed! The Giants argued as to who would wake her up, however she awoke to the low rumble of the whispering voices. She told them her story, and upon hearing it they warned her that the Queen might find out the truth, and come after her again. So, they warned her that in their absence she should not let anybody in.

Back at the castle after a few days the Queen was invited to a party so she checked with her mirror, asking her favorite question: “Mirror Mirror that I hold, who is the fairest of them all!?”. The mirror replied “You try so hard yet to no avail, Snow White is still the fairest of them all.” Upon the Queen leaving in a fury the mirror told the King of what has happened. The King realized the Queen would try to finish what she started, so he warned the seven Giants of the danger to come. Just before going to work the seven Giants asked their Chief, who seemed to enjoy plants and their capabilities (no one liked being around during his experiments, to guard her. Just as they thought, the Queen came pretending to be a poor lady asking for a handout. When Snow White opened the door the lady sprayed something in the girl’s face. The Giant’s Chief realized it was a poisonous gas, and was able to save the girl. Also, he was able to toss some of the herbs he was mixing together on the Queen without her knowing. The Queen went back to her castle feeling so good thinking that she killed Snow White.

She was happy for many days until there was another occasion. For which she prepared herself, and asked her mirror, “Mirror mirror that I hold . . . WHO is the fairest of them all?” The Mirror stayed silent… and the Queen shook the mirror smacking it on the back muttering about getting a warranty next time. The mirror sparked to life and replied, “Do you not get tired of our endless game, Snow White is and always will be the fairest of them all…” The Queen screamed and yelled, “That is impossible you stupid piece of glass! For I have killed that horrendous beast with my own two hands!” The Mirror replied, “If she were so horrendous we would not be here, by the way your majesty you should look at your face, and tell ME who is the fairest in this land?!” The Queen looked in the mirror, and when she saw her deformed face she slammed the mirror to the ground and watched it shatter to pieces. She forgot that upon doing this that the magic of the mirror would no longer be under her control. A reddish blue mist swirled and lifted towards the Queen. The steaming mad Queen proclaimed that she will get rid of Snow White once and for all, not at all paying attention to the mist gathering around her shoulders and slowly devouring her feet!

The self involved Queen felt herself growing heavy as she aged faster than logic can explain… she caught a fleeting glimpse of herself withering away in a glass vase holding red roses now turning black. She screamed as what distinguished beauty she had turned to stone and shattered like her delusions. The King came in as he saw what had happened. Not quite understanding what had happened he asked no questions. The shadow of the once beautiful Queen and imprisoned her. He sent one of his loyal guards to go and bring Snow White back and request that the Giants come with her as well. They were proclaimed, upon their acceptance of course, to be her Royal Giant Guards.

After some years passed Snow White married a Prince and her father stepped down from the thrown and bestowed upon her the title of Queen. He then brought her evil step-mother to be her maid under watch, with another maid helping her. Low and behold that was the step mother of Cinderella. Then Cinderella came to be a good friend of Snow White and they hit it off singing karaoke. Snow White and her husband and Cinderella with her Prince lived happily ever after, and the two step mothers lived miserably ever after dancing the Macarena for Snow White and her friend as entertainment!

Lazy Musings of an Unstructured dreamer: The Dentist

 I was so tired, I found myself drifting to a strange land, to dream land…..

The Dream

I was already a little extra nervous going in, due to the unfortunate discovery I'd made on my last dental visit, which was that my new dentist had pretty eyes. This is the sort of discovery that leads naturally on to other discoveries, equally alarming, like the realization that he wasn't all that bad looking as a whole. You might think this is a bonus, having a cute dentist. I might've agreed with you, especially if your former dentist was an elderly man with a hand tremor. But the problem with a cute dentist is that the second you notice that he's cute, suddenly the fact that his fingers are in your mouth becomes - well - awkward.

Even though my cute, young dentist was running late on this particular day, my wait wasn't very long since the perky assistant would be giving me the preliminary shot. I pretended not to notice her blood-thirsty enthusiasm as she loomed over me, saying in her most pleasant and soothing voice, "You might feel a little pinch."

Oh, do you think so? A pinch? Just a little one? Really?

It really isn't the pain that makes me hate visits to the dentist. I've long since come to terms with the pain part of it. But it still strikes me as slightly disingenuous, this "little pinch" scam played on everyone forced to endure shots. This is like learning that someone is going to Antarctica and suggesting they pack a scarf because it could get "a bit nippy." But then again, I suppose "a little pinch" is less likely to send patients running, screaming from the office - prematurely - then if she were to say, "You might have the mildly unpleasant sensation of a sharp object going into your upper lip, through your nasal passages, and skewering your left eyeball."

This is more like what happened. So now I'm sitting there doing that nervous social laughing thing that one does when the left eye is weeping copiously while the right eye is completely unmoved. I'm sure it's no problem. It's always been the more sensitive of the two. Puppies, commercials, it just cries over everything.
The assistant titters. "That's the trouble with a shot in that spot," she says effusively. "So many different nerves!"

Isn't it just?

We laugh together now, over the thought of all of those random nerves on my face. Punctured and sedated for her enjoyment.

I'm left alone with orders to numb more fully. I'm given a handy magazine in order to expedite the process. I read about Carlos Slim, the only man in the world both richer and more dead boring than Bill Gates. I wonder briefly if I'm too fascinating and dynamic to ever be rich. When my young, cute dentist finally enters - who I have now decided can't be more than 26 - he tells me this is his own personal magazine. Well, of course it is, sweet cheeks. Someday you'll even have a driver's license of your own, and you'll be able to jump right into the Porsche that my dental deficiencies will help you to finance. By the way, is my nose still on? Because I don't feel it. At all.

He's alone when he enters, which makes me feel a little panicky. I don't like it when they don't bring friends along, because then I feel socially obligated to make conversation. Small talk is already not one of my strongest areas, and this is with people who aren't squirting water or waving drills. I'm relieved when the sadistic assistant enters, and she and the doctor are soon huddled over my prone form, holding up the dental equivalent of paint chips and discussing what color to use as though they're redecorating the living room. It was kind of sweet.

The work itself didn't take long, but was still excruciating in its own special way. Maybe I have intimacy issues, but I've had friends for half my life who don't get to be that close to my pores. And then there's just so much to do. Because I want to do my part, see. It's sort of a Gold Star complex - I want to be the best patient ever. Tilt the head back and slightly to the right, open the mouth enough but not too much. Close your lips over the suction, now open. Don't swallow. Hold still. Breathe. Don't cry. It's a little overwhelming. And I never know who exactly is responsible for the water drooling down my cheek. If I wipe it off then I get in the way, but is it rude to just leave it there, all slobbery? My Mama didn't raise a drooler. And by the way - don't you love the dentists who don't tell you exactly what they're doing as they're doing it? Like somehow they think you'll have more fun when the drill is a surprise.

When all is done I'm handed a mirror to approve the results. The teeth are fine, but what really draws the eye is that one of my nostrils is drooping. On my way out, my cute young dentist informs me that he's leaving the practice, so this will be our last rendezvous.

Well, that's just tragic….

Then I woke up… *Yawns*