Today is one of those days. I actually am not sure how I managed to stay appearing happy on the outside, because underneath I am an emotional wreck. I’m not going to write about what happened because I’m not in the mood.

The past week has been a really weird one for me - quite a lot happened in this period. A lot of things that probably shouldn't have happened, but that I hoped might just strengthen a friendship.  Sadly, it seems to have been the reverse, and I have spent the whole day, I guess in some sort of denial.

And now it has truly hit . . . and it kills.

At one point today, I had to actually leave the room purely because it was hurting too damn much, having a quick cry in the bathroom seemed like a far preferable option. I am so unbelievably sick of everything being on someone else's terms. I give up. I just can't do it anymore. I am sad and angry. I am frustrated and feeling pessimistic. I am carrying this pain around that I did not create. The world seems dark and unfriendly.

So I'm crying instead.

Just sharing this has my heart pounding, my face is flushed, and my nerves are on edge and raw.  So many thoughts are racing inside my head. I wish there was a way for me to calm myself completely and be optimistic.

 My mother taught me to always be strong and positive, not letting anything or anyone get in the way of my happiness. She taught me never to allow emotions get in the way of my thinking, I forgot that. I let my guard down straying away from everything she taught me, forgetting how to be a strong woman.

Tell me, please, how do I get myself out of this? What do YOU do when you just want to cry? Other than, obviously, cry!!!