The Ramblers Chronicles: Cracked Foundations

I’m sitting here this afternoon thinking about cracked foundations. Probably because there is a repairman upstairs ripping parts of something as we speak. You see, some years ago I rented a house and the owners hid a crack in the kitchen flooring from me until the renting deal was final. When I found it and confronted them they refused to pay for the repair. I eventually let it go and prayed it would never be a problem. I’ll throw a rug over it, I thought. After all, that’s what the previous owners did. Everything was fine until weeks later, the crack began to spread until six tiles were cracked and the problem began to seep out of the kitchen and into the room.

The problem had grown to a place where I could no longer ignore it. It would no longer fit conveniently under a rug, the tile was cracked because the foundation of the house had cracked and the person who originally laid the tile hadn’t put a protective sealant down to prevent the tile from cracking right along with the foundation.

How like life, I thought to myself. And relationships. Sometimes we build relationships right on top of cracked foundations. If I can just hide these cracks, we think to ourselves, I can pretend they aren’t there. Everything is fine until something shakes the foundation and it is proven faulty. The cracks in the foundation result in cracks in the relationship. Sometimes they are repairable. Other times they aren't.

What are some faulty foundations we can build relationships on? Here’s a short list:

▪We want someone cool to like us so we lie about our likes and dislikes to fit in.

▪A cute guy begins showing us attention so we try to appear as someone we’re not to keep him interested.\

▪Our friends at school think being a Christian is lame so we tell them we only go to church because our parents make us.

▪We aren’t allowed to attend certain types of parties so we lie to our parents and say we are spending the night with a friend so we can sneak out and go.

Cracked foundations. Dangerous ground. It’s all just a matter of time before those cracked foundations get rocked and more damage is done.

The thing about a cracked foundation is that it’s a broken foundation. We can’t expect a broken foundation to sustain weight and pressure. When life happens broken foundations only become more broken—unless we put the time and effort it to actually fix the problem instead of trying to hide it.

Do you have any cracked foundations in your life that need repairing? Do you have some relationships in your life that you may need to rethink? Are there new relationships you are in the process of building that need solid foundations?

I would love to hear your story.

The Ramblers Chronicles: Moving On

This is a new personal series I’m trying out to see if you like it, find it interesting, funny, helpful, whatever. It is no-punches-pulled, 100% ridiculously transparent.

I can’t lie to you.

I’m definitely in a transitional period in my life.  I was even considering the dramatic act of cutting all my hair off, Caesar-style.  My friends would understand right? For some reason, women always turn to the scissors in hopes of “getting a fresh start”. Well, I didn’t cut my hair off BUT…I am moving forward. It’s the season for it, don’t you agree?

While shifting through all of my “issues” I realized something…

Most people like to wear their issues on their sleeves, tormenting themselves and all those who see it. For some reason, we often feel like we have to “fix” everything, even when we know it is beyond repair. This is especially true when it comes to relationships.

Answer the following question honestly:

Have you ever ended a relationship at the exact moment you felt it was over?

Take to the comments section to answer.  I bet 90% will say, no.

The reason: Many of us like to punish ourselves. We like to feel like we have to “stick it out”, “make it work”, etc, blah blah blah.  I’m not saying that you should run at the first sign of trouble but you know when 2 + 2 is no longer = 4. You get that gut feeling in your stomach. You confide in your best friend. You start to look at your partner differently; with disgust, disdain.

A friend had been off and on with his girlfriend of 4 years. Each time we talked about the shortcomings of their relationship it was the same three things:
1 – She wasn’t a good communicator
2 – She wasn’t matured
3 – Her mother controlled her life

[Of course, since this was coming from a friend, I have no idea with her issues with him were.]

Each time she promised to work on things. At first, there would be an improvement: more talk, more head, less references to mommy dearest. Weeks would pass and slowly she would return to her old habits.

Finally, tired of hearing the same story I asked him:  Why are you with her if it’s clear that this is who she is.

Friend: I love her.

Me : Well, let me be the first to tell you, you can love someone and NOT be with them. At some point you 
have to love yourself more and MOVE ON.

Moving on is the greatest gift you can give to yourself.

Unhappy with work, friends, family, a relationship? Accept it for what it is. You can’t fix everything or everyone. More importantly, you shouldn’t suffer or feel like a failure because it didn’t work. Take the lessons you learned, use them to become a better person and…MOVE ON!