Akure Chronicles: Part 1 - A glance at a new beginning

Who would have known that I would end up in the same very city where I grew up? Just few months ago I was so happy with being in Lagos that I finally thought I would be spending my intern year in a city that has become my home yet very strange to me. Just when I was beginning to fall in love with this state popularly known as Lasgidi my hopes were dashed. I wasn’t going to be interning in Lagos, not Luth, not Lasuth. 

Apparently gone are the days when as a doctor you get a placement for Housemanship immediately after finishing med school. Now it’s all about the interviews and connections. These interviews are so discouraging by the way seeing more than 500 doctor’s fight for just 24 seats? Ok discouraging isn’t even the word it is just point blank ‘Absurd’. The truth is the whole system was just messed up and corrupt. Why am I complaining you may ask? Well, I am not just merely stating the obvious that has become the norms of our very own nation. Anyway not to get lost amidst this….Na so I go for interview for Lasuth and wrote an exam in Luth.....found my way through the streets of National hospital Abuja, all to no avail. Who knew that God has destined me to wonder my way back to my own very town of Akure.

The moment our car drove into the city it reminded me of why I wrote about my life of a JJC in Lagos and then it occurred to me that the same thing was happening here. Akure was different, the air was different …even the sun burnt differently. This wasn’t the Akure I had imagined…My imagination had earlier on created a picture of this big houses made of mud dusty roads and people still dressed in old school attires. Well I was wrong, it was a little better than I thought. It was like a mini Lagos(not in terms of size) before Fashola came in…bikes plying the roads, impatient drivers and pedestrian all fighting for their space. Did it feel crowded? No. Was it Noisy? No. It was at that moment that I realized that I would probably have a lot to write about this city. It was at this moment that my whole Akure chronicles began….

Here are Six things I learned about Akure as a whole in just one month (don’t take this as an offence as I am also an indigene of akure, and this is just a mere observation from my point of view):
  1. The people here are out rightly friendly:  From the Okada man to the Head of an office.
  2. Some of them wouldn’t mind sharing their problems in public: It’s either they trust each other or they probably just like to talk a lot. 
  3.  Everyone seem to know everyone: They seem to know where you come from and your family just by mentioning your surname, how great is that? You meet someone and the next minute you realize they know someone you know, there is just this tie that binds them all together. 
  4.  Most women here wear their hair differently:  I think I am so use to the Lagos hairstyles and Brazilian weaves that I find it strange that most of the women I have seen who work in offices have their natural hair made with just threads or traditional old weaving.  I took my time out to count how many women wore weaves one day while coming back from work, for every  1 woman I met who wore weaves I met 10 non weave wearers. Good to know many still embrace their traditional style and culture.
  5. There are a lot of Boli and Epa (Roasted Plantain and groundnut) Sellers: Ok, to be candid who doesn’t like a good well roasted plantain? I have seen my fair share of Boli sellers but the ones here are to be compared to pure water sellers in Lagos or Kilishi sellers in Abuja. They are just everywhere and it’s so tempting having to take in the breath of roasted plantain being prepared by 3 different people on the same street. I can almost taste it in my mouth just by typing this. 
  6. Here you have to create your own fun: If you come from a city like Lagos where you have everything from Cinemas to Shopping Malls everywhere, life in Akure will be absolutely boring, but the truth is you have to discover what and where ticks for you here so you can have fun. I am still on the voyage of finding those places and things here and hopefully I will meet good friends along the way.

My Journey continues….. I await the joys, friendship and lessons that will come along as I make my way into an endless week of new things, people and culture known and unknown to me. Till then I will keep my eyes wide open for -The good, the bad, and the Ugly.

Poetry: I WRITE

Poetry:  WRITE

I write because
There my night turns into day
My dusk shadows brings forth light
And in every word lies a dream

I write because
I have never forgotten the rhythm of the sea
For the love and the secret that haunts us
To find reasons for our presence and actions

I write because
They are letters scribbled on the back of the dead
Against time which we defeated and conquered
Bringing to life what we created and recreated

I write because
Each poem is tied to the tree that inspires us
Because I have learned to read the sand and water shade
To understand the cloud and the daily flight of birds

I write because
I am waiting to capture the edge of this world
To stop its very breath and make it listens
As a standby light on the back of every cold night

I write because
Each poem is a silent but extremely loud prayer
Clothed with the robe of an infinite eternity
To save the silent ones and those unspoken for

I write because
The tinted words on every turned page
Illuminates those who count on my lips
To fill the black hole dunged into every day

I write because
The blinding flashes in every single thought
Is my way to be free from every pinching letter
Looking to find its voice in this unsaid world

Bitter Sweet

This is a narrative free verse poem. I have come to understand that to every bitter story there could be sweetness to it. It all comes down to how we perceive the situation around us. The truth is we can choose to be happy even when things are going wrong! For me happiness is strictly a choice. I hope this poem gives someone out there some clarity.

Bitter Sweet
The cloud moved terribly today, different from its normal morning hello. I knew it was a gloomy day not because the rain was busy beating my torn heelless shoe but also because the lightning was slapping its signature all over the sky.  I was overwhelmed by the feeling of worthlessness and self-guilt, I cried aloud with stillness in my voice, accompanied by a lifeless tear drop down my cheek. The whole world was against me, yes all of it! The sun shined only to burn out my already battered skin, the wind blew fiercely only to reveal my tattered dress. Once again I was lost in the sorrow of my own prejudice.

The cloud swept along its path today, clearing the way for a fresh pouring rain that silently washed the muds off my fairly worn shoes. A beautiful day I saw as the lightning decorated the sky with its fiery shiny wand.  I was carried away by this enchanting melody that engulfed my heart and it’s very beat. I cried silently with loudness in my voice, accompanied by a ticklish tear drop down my cheek. The whole world was for me, yes all of it! The sun smiled at the end of each tunnel giving my darkness a ray of hope. Once again I was salvaged by the pleasure of my very own openness.

The music was out of tune today, bringing deafness to my inner soul. I felt the harp piercing into the deepness of my ulcerated skin, the tune of the guitar was way beyond my understanding. Life felt meaningless just like the sound of a broken violin. Confusion struck me like a stick against the face of a tattered drum, incredibly loud yet unusually quiet. With anger fuelled by the silence of a muted flute and emotions buried over the whistling of a soprano clarinet, one thing was inexplicably certain- I was lifeless like the palms of a dead dark forest.

The music played again today, beautiful melody to a gentle soul, its sound mending my deepest hurt and soothing my unseen scar. The tune of the guitar was imperfectly perfect, bringing meaning to my life like a violin does to an OperaClarity graced my back like a stick against a bass drum, incredibly loud yet unusually vibrant. Anger suppressed by the enchanting whisper of a pan flute, spirit lifted by the lyrical tune puffing out of a beautiful clarinet, one thing was absolutely certain- I was dancing like the palms of a well tamed garden.


I would like to start this letter by saying you owe me an apology.  I speak not only for myself but also for the millions of Nigerians or perhaps Africans whose life you made miserable by inventing this little black torture called Amala. Not to sound ungrateful or come off as offensive but there is nothing good about this little invention of yours, not the color , not the taste, not even the smell but at least I must commend the fact that you are one step ahead of the inventor of FUFU(It could win a Grammy for the worst smelling food).

Many would disagree with my letter to you, but you have to understand that everyone has their point of view and this is mine- Amala should be a kind of punishment! It was for megrowing up! Apart from my nuclear family and few friends who understood and respected the fact that I could not stand the site of this food, all others have seen it as a means of sentencing me to a long hour of mean and painful torture. They would watch to make sure I finished two wraps of Amala along with the Egusi soup served with it! They called it training, I termed it abuse! To me it felt like bee sting on an open wound, but who was I to say no. Saying no means being subjected to five minutes of koboko (whip) - Every child’s worst nightmare!

Permit me to point out that the only thing worse than eating Amala is eating it with Egusi soup, I can almost feel the taste in my mouth right now and it definitely feels like ‘feet’.  Why do I write all this, you may ask? Well, It’s because adulthood has managed to free me from being subjected to a daily dose of your invention but there are still those days when I am forced to download a little bit of it into my system- either due to the fact that I visit someone who doesn’t know my choice of meal or someone trying to surprise me with a good home cooked meal! I just can’t put all their effort to waste, can I? So I would rather eat it and pour out my anger on you, through this letter.
This unstructured letter is not to undermine your work, but it’s a way of ranting out the little feel of the Amala left in my mouth. That is what I do, I rant! I could write a poetic note to you, perhaps it would be less rude, but also it might hide my feelings beneath those metaphors. So till I find another reason to write you again, I would say bye for now and hoping to receive a long overdue apology soon!
                                                                                                                       Yours Faithfully,

Memoirs of a lover

Memoirs of a lover

It takes courage to love again when you have been hurt, it takes pain and strength again to put them all away. Somewhere in all the pain somebody has to have the courage to be okay.  He gives me that courage to be ok, to love. The sun has come the mist has gone, we see in the distance our long way home. I was always yours and you were mine. 
We have loved each other in and out of time, when the first storm looked up at the blazing sun, when the first tree struggled up from the forest floor and even when the wind stood still. I had always loved you, you forced yourself, gave your heart to the breeze, it hummed like a hive of honey bees. I reached in the mass for the sweet honey comb.
 How I loved you. You blinded me by circumstance, lost by chance I screamed to the heavens, loudly screamed trying to change our nightmares into dreams. Seems like forever that I have waited for you. In a world of disappointment one thing is true, God has blessed me and blessed you too, out of a million people I found you, just take my hands and hold me close, don't let me go. You for me and me for you, together maybe we will make it. 
We were once strangers all by ourselves, living alone with no one else, but here we are and it’s all so sweet. God must have made you for me, because you are more than a friend, you are my smile. You are a breathtaking reflection of Gods heart for me; you pursued me and loved me, even when I didn't love myself. You held my hand in darkness and pulled me into light. When I look at you, I know there is a God and he loved me so much that he gave you just to me.

I am a POET and I am HUMAN

I am a POET: I read between the lines
I am a POET: I assume every full stops and commas
I am a POET: To me your  A means B and B means C

I am a POET: I get lost in my Imagination
I am a POET: I create stories with illusions
I am a POET: To me every fiction will someday be real

I am a POET: I fall in and out of love with letters
I am a POET:  I’m stuck in a world of Alphabetic delusion
I am a POET: To me gravity is best defined with scrambled words


I am HUMAN: Lines are nothing but Invisible
I am HUMAN: Full stops and Commas have no meaning
I am HUMAN: A is just the first letter of an Apple

I am HUMAN: Imagination is too much a hard work
I am HUMAN: Illusions are only for the stupid
I am HUMAN: Fiction is what I see after a play button

I am HUMAN: Love comes only in the arms of the true one
I am HUMAN: Emotional delusion is part of my life
I am HUMAN: Gravity only reminds me of  Isaac Newton

I am a POET and I am HUMAN

How Poetry Changed My Life!!

Before poetry entered my life, I was an eccentric without a cause. Now that I’ve come out of the poetry-closet and accepted myself as a poet (as amateur as I may be), I don’t have to hide the fact anymore that I think of spoons as spies, or spears as spines, or spirits as spiders, or splits as spittle, or space as speech. A spade was never a spade for me, and the world of poetry is a wonderfully accepting support group that feeds my dirty habit for words.

We just clicked.  With poetry I make pictures with words, work out my feelings and tell you what I really think about the world.  Me and poetry have a long term relationship. I love you poetry. What is Inspiring about it is that everything about it, Comes from inside. Poetry is not just random words on a piece of paper. Poetry is not just random ideas that pop up in your mind. Poetry is the true feelings that lie within. 

I ’ve been writing for more than 3 years now and my creative journey has been truly phenomenal, from watching others perform and getting some courage to do so myself. I’ve been emotionally overwhelmed and philosophically challenged by the words of others and more importantly, inspired by them. Yes – sometimes poetry presents concepts I personally find provocative but that’s what poetry does, it lights sparks in people.

Poetry has changed Me by storming into my life and screaming into my face like a little brother. It has become just as familiar and made me more in tune with my imagination and a more caring and intuitive side of myself I didn’t know existed before. It has introduced me to people who have blown my mind with their natural creativity and beauty and who have and will have a lasting impact on me. Poetry has given me a confidence boost to be who I really want to be and to go after opportunities that I seize with both hands. Most importantly, it has enabled me to express myself in a more eloquent way than before. Through words I have faced fears and worked out my worries. I disovered myself. I relaxed. I found my voice. Now, I am a mouthy cow who loves showing off.

Poetry changed me and  I’m glad it did.

Unstructured Poem: Until you find Love

Until you find Love
Dreams are just dreams
Without a future in sight
Days are just days
That turn into night

Until you find Love
 Wishes are things
That rarely come true
Excitement is a feeling
You barely know

Until you find Love
Finding warmth in another’s smile
Is a joy never existing
Looking forward to tomorrow
Is never an experience

Response to Adam Jone's Interracial Dating and the Fools Who Don't Like It

I totally agree with Adam!!! And my Christian response on this is that there is absolutely nothing wrong with dating or marrying someone from a different culture, background, or race from you. As long as they have given their life to Christ that's all that counts. Technically when we give our lives to Christ and become Christians we all belong to one race, the race of the kingdom of God and it’s perfectly ok to marry anyone in the kingdom of God regardless of their culture, race, skin color etc. God doesn't see race and color, he see's people, he doesn't look at the outward appearance, he looks at the heart and that's what we are supposed to do.

From a Christian perspective, one race isn't better than another, neither is one culture better than another, take away our skin and we are all the same on the inside. Once we give our lives to Christ there is no more Jews or Gentiles, no more discriminating against other races, no more trying to segregate yourself from other races, we are all one and therefore can marry and date people who are not brought up in the same culture as us.

A black Christian can marry or date a white Christians, an Asian Christian can marry or date a South American Christian, as long as they are a child of God, God isn't looking at the color of their skin; he is looking at the content of their heart.

However, for this Christian relationship advice to be complete, I must highlight one other point. if you do decide to date or marry someone from a different culture as you, be prepared to accommodate the differences and challenges that arise from coming from different backgrounds.

What's acceptable in one culture might not be acceptable in another, what's okay in one culture might be offensive to another and you have to learn these differences and manage them well in order for the relationship to work. And even when the two of you understand these differences, your family members will also have to be educated about these differences especially if there is the prospect of marriage so that they don't end up misinterpreting the actions of your partner and seeing them as disrespectful not realizing that it's just a difference in culture.

We have to learn to put away prejudices in the body of Christ, although we may have our cultural differences, we are all still Gods children and are all the same in his eyes.

Phenomenal Woman Series: 18 Common Sense Principles for Dating.

18 Common Sense Principles for Dating.

If you have any tips for Christian dating, feel free to comment…just try to be semi nice :)

Christian dating tip #1: If you need your parents to drive you to a date or if you need to ask them for money to take someone out…you shouldn't be dating.

Christian dating tip #2: If you are under sixteen, your dating status on your Facebook should always say “single.” You are way too young to be holding anyone awkwardly or spending hours on the phone listening to someone breathe.

Christian dating tip #3: Contrary to popular belief Taylor Swift is not a relationship genius and you shouldn't be taking any relationship advice from her. Ask a Godly couple who has ventured through storms together what you should be expecting and looking for in a partner.

Christian dating tip #4: Ladies, just because a guy doesn't look like Chantum Tatting or Somerhalder Ian
 doesn't mean he isn't date-able. What would you rather… a guy who looks like an underwear model but treats you like crap or an average looking dude that loves Jesus, has integrity, leads you spiritually, will encourage you to follow God’s call and will be an incredible husband and father?

Christian dating tip #5: Fellas, The reason some Christian girls are dating non Christian guys is because when they look in the church they aren’t seeing brothers who exemplify Christ. Why would they stick around for you when they can get the same thing…maybe even better from dudes outside the church? Man up… pursue holiness and righteousness.

Christian dating tip #6: Sisters, If you wear junk that makes you look like a prostitute or a video vixen and expect to get a Godly man, you’re dreaming. All you’re going to get are the perverted brothers in the church who are after feeling you up. Even in 2012 modesty still matters. Have enough respect for 1) the Lord (who created that body of yours) and 2) for yourself. If you’re dressing like swimsuit models on the street I don’t even want to hear about how there are no good men in the church. You’re only attracting the wrong kind.

Christian dating tip #7: If you can’t commit, then don’t bother getting into a relationship or get out of the one you are in as fast as you can. There is nothing worse than feeling like you have to commit to a relationship you don’t really care about.

Christian dating tip #8: Beware of any dude or girlie that says “I love you” when they first meet you. Either they want to get in your pants or they have mommy/daddy issues. Love is not a feeling, but lust and loneliness are.

Christian dating tip #9: Fellas, Getting into a relationship or getting married to stop looking at porn or masturbating doesn’t work. You’ll be bringing that junk into your relationship and marriage. It will cause you some major grief and pain. It’s a heart issue that only God can take care of. Lean into Christ.

Christian dating tip #10: If your boyfriend/girlfriend can’t pray with you because they 1) Don’t pray out loud or 2) think it’s awkward to pray…dump them. They are not the person that will be able to encourage and challenge you spiritually through the hard times of life.

Christian dating tip #11: If your parents don’t approve of the person you are dating…you need to think again and ask God for wisdom. The Wisdom of GODLY parents can keep you from tons of pain and hurt in your relationship life. 

Christian dating tip #12: Ladies, how a dude treats his mama will tell you a lot about the kind of man he is and what he values. One day you will be the most important woman in his life, how is he going to treat you?

Christian dating tip #13: Ladies, don’t use your bodies like weapons to manipulate guys in showing you how much they care about you. Someday it’s going to backfire on you. Find your identity first in God’s love that took 3 nails on a cross for you: Jesus.

Christian dating tip #14: Pre marital sex and sexual immorality (ANY sexual acts outside of marriage) are sin…period. If you don’t like that, take it up with all the persons of the Trinity..

Christian dating tip #15: If you break up with someone, don’t blame it on Jesus. Don’t make Christ look bad just because you are a coward. 

Christian dating tip #16: Ladies, if the guy you like treats you nicely when you’re alone, but disrespects and puts you down around his boys…He’s a loser and he’s definitely not worth your time.

Christian dating tip # 17: Using your FB status and your tweets to post all your relationship drama in the form of song lyrics is stupid. Grow up and have an actual face to face conversation with your significant other.

Christian dating tip #18: If you feel like you need to be someone other than the person God has created you to be when you’re with your significant other, get rid of them. You should be loved for the fearfully and wonderfully made creation you are. 

Interracial Dating and the Fools Who Don't Like It, Posted by Adam Jones

She told me she was depressed because of the trouble her daughter was in.  Something was very wrong -I had never seen her so upset - so I sat down and asked her to tell me about it.

"She's dating a black man," she told me.

"Go on," I said, stirring my coffee.  I was waiting for her to get to the interesting part, but she just stared at me with tears welling up in her eyes.  I was confused.

"I'm so sorry for you," said a man in the room, "it's not that it's bad...it's just not something you want your own children to do."

Call me stupid, but I still had no idea what they were talking about.

"I must have missed something,"  I said, "what happened to your daughter.  You told me she was in trouble."

Was she using drugs?  Had she stolen a car?  I wanted to know but no one was talking.  But, as they stared at me, I finally worked it out.

The problem was that her daughter was dating a black man.  That was it.

"Isn't that wrong, you know, in the Bible?" She asked me.

I almost exploded.  Was she being serious?  Did she really think that the Bible had a section condemning this sort of thing, but she had just never run across it?  Didn't she know that Moses' wife may have been black?  I tried to express myself but I mostly just stammered.  I was so dumbfounded that I couldn't reply.

But they were convinced that the daughter was doing something sinful.  Where had this room full of "adults" gotten this poor teaching?  And what possible theological implications could there be in such a thing?  (Did they know that Jesus, a Semitic man, probably didn't look like an American white boy?  I guess He wouldn't be good enough for their kids.)

The Bible doesn't tell us how to date.  It speaks very little about marriage (despite what you've heard).  And it's not concerned about relationships between people of different skin color.

For those of you who don't remember middle-school biology, there's no such thing as "race" amongst humans.  The biological differences between whites and blacks are only as significant as the differences between blonds and redheads. There's no deeper meaning to skin color and there's no difference in our humanity.  (You probably remember learning about phenotypes in school.)

Surely, no one would hold on to outdated biological theories just to keep blacks out of their families... right?  And, surely, no one would presume that the Bible is against interracial marriage - and even teach that falsehood from church pulpits - just to advance their own racist agenda.


Inspire Yourself: A Birthday Message to Myself

Dear Self,

Today you turn 26. Can you believe it?

As a child you thought that number sounded ancient. You figured by this age you’d be a mom, already owning a home and a mini van. You didn't realize that you wouldn't FEEL 26. You didn't know you’d still think the 1990′s happened 10 years ago nor did you believe that time really does speed up as you age.

What a year the last one has been. Major things have been going on, BIG life lessons have been learnt. New dreams, dreads, worries and plans have been realized. I wanted to take a moment to thank you for everything you have done, been and ever will be. You were the year that changed my life, and I know that it can only improve and get better with age.

 I learned a lot about myself during this year. I learned that I am brave enough to start anything. I learned the value of commitment, and I learned a lot about communication and love. I learned that I am much braver than I think I am. You are stronger now than you have ever been.

 I learned that with a little support and a lot of love from friends and family, you can get anywhere. AND I learned that even without the support and the love, manifesting a positive attitude and putting dreams into actions will help you achieve any dream. Life is all about God, family and dreams at the moment. Getting older is fun when it is done with awesome people.

This New Year you will surprise yourself. In the next few years as you creep toward the milestone of late-twenties, you will think and feel and do things that right now you are unwaveringly convinced you will not. You’ll tell everyone you would never cut your hair again and then one scorching hot summer day, you’ll find yourself in a hair salon getting it chopped off again and again.

Right now, you are so sure of yourself in the same way a tiny toddler is sure they can reach the cookie jar. Boisterous and confident. You know yourself. But, so many of the elements of yourself that you’re omniscient about will only become transient. But, as you depart the University microcosm and build a life without a preset path, you’ll learn the hardness is not your core.  You’ll realize that you are fragile and sensitive and emotional. You’ll cry listening to “Home” one afternoon on the radio and you’ll sob another day when you get home from work and read about someone being carried out of his apartment on a stretcher.

You’ll realize you are fun-loving and relaxed. You’ll be really flattered when your coworkers compliment you on your laugh. You’ll grow to love that laugh and how it fills up the room. You’ll realize you are not conflicted and confused. You’ll learn how hard it is to walk away from people, even those who wrong you or rope you into the knots of their life. Right now, you think people who can’t unyieldingly walk away are dumb and lost and insecure. But, you’ll realize they are just people and you will be one of them. So, do not remain so convinced of so many things. Surprise yourself, Inspire yourself. It will be much more fun that way.

What I want you to remember is that: you deserve this. Every single good thing? You are worthy of it. You’ve worked so hard to get to this place. You still work every day on yourself and on your relationship.
You are always working to better yourself. You’re relentless like that.

Today, on your 26th birthday, you’re giving up body hatred and self-loathing and the not-feeling-good-enough because you are not thin…lol. You’re not going to berate yourself into submission. You’re not going to starve yourself or eat your feelings or wallow in guilt and shame.

You’re going to BE NICE TO YOUR BODY because it will keep you around for a long time and you have a lot of living to do, so much to look forward to.

I know there will be days that you will screw up but just remember that in this life where time is fleeting, there is so much more to give your energy and attention to. You deserve to be happy, to be free from this negativity, to put all that freed up mind space to better use.

Love God, Love Life, Love People!!

Bring it on 26! Let’s see what you have to offer, what obstacles I need to remove or encounter, what positive, blessed and amazing events can happen and where I will end up next. I am so excited to be with you on this journey.

 Happy birthday, beautiful. Go live out loud.

Forever & always,

Unstructured Ramblings: Unedited Letter to my DFH

Dear Future Husband,

I am at it again. Bored and the only thing I can think of is writing another random letter to you, knowing we will have loads of letter to laugh over in the nearest future.

I know that God said that it is not good for man to be alone, so I know wherever you are right now, you'd be better off finding me. I am telling you, I could use your help too, and not just to save me from cockroaches, reach things on the top shelf, or make me feel safe at night. I am trying to be one of those super career women, but in all honestly, in my heart, nothing could be more satisfying than to fulfill my God-given role as your "helpmate," your wife. My dreams and interests are everywhere. I have too many. But I know in my heart, you see the big picture in your life. You know how you want to make a difference, and you have a passion and purpose that I'm going to believe in too and help you achieve. If not, I know I will see in you wonderful things that you have yet to discover.

There's a reason why we're still not together right now. Maybe it's me because to be frank, I just haven't gotten my stuff together. My ducks in a row. I'm just not quite there yet, not yet your dream woman. I really believe that the right woman at the wrong time is still the wrong woman. And right now, I'm still wrestling with issues, things I really don't want you to have to deal with. God is pouring out his grace on me. Until then, I hope you are waiting patiently for me and getting ready to be mine as well. Remember, first and foremost, that love is patient. God has to reteach me this lesson every morning.

You know, I fear many things. That's an issue I'm trying to deal with right now. I'm afraid that I'll be more into you than you are into me or that you'll be more into me than I am into you. Some women think that's the safest way to go: finding a guy who is way more into them than they are him. But I don't want to sacrifice desire for security. Why can't things be equal? I want to be with a guy who knocks the socks off my feet just as much as I make him dizzy with desire. I'm afraid because I think I'm asking God for too much. I know I'm asking for way more than I deserve, but hey, isn't that the theme of salvation, receiving by grace for what we don't deserve? I'm not saying I want you to be perfect. I hope you're not expecting me to be either. On this earth, perfect is boring and unreal. I don't want perfection. I just want someone perfect for me. And I know you are out there; I know you are looking for me and I'm just hopelessly optimistic that you are real.

Our story won't be like Hollywood's happy endings. Hollywood makes movies that end, but I'm here for the long haul. I'm here to commit to the life after "happily ever after." I know my appearance matters to you, and I'll do my best with what God has given me, but I can't help but grow insecure with what Hollywood keeps dishing up. I'm afraid I can't compete with all those airbrushed women, and I'm hoping you prefer the real, imperfect, tender, gentle, lovable three dimensional woman that I am, instead of the perfect, fake, one dimensional woman Hollywood portrays. You can put her on your screen saver or on your wall, but I'm the one who'll keep you warm and steal your covers! lol

There are a lot of pretty women out there, and it may seem hard to figure out who I am in that crowd. Please stop trying to settle for someone you can live with. You'll see, I'm the girl you don't want to live without. I'm the girl you might not notice at first glance, but if you look close enough, you'll see a heart that sincerely lives for and trusts in God, and that's the kind of beauty that won't fade. It's the kind of beauty that is warm and inviting, one that will inspire and bring you closer to understanding the love that God has for you. Because there are so many external beauties out there, I hope you can see beauty through a different lens as well. One that also notices a soulful beauty. When you notice that beauty, you'll know it's me, because you'll be captivated. I hope to be a divinely delivered slice of heaven on earth for you, as I hope you'll be my shelter and fortress from the pain of the world.

Maybe the reason why you haven't found me yet is because you've taken a passive role in the hunt. I still believe men are supposed to be leaders. God made Adam first. Adam named all the animals. God gave him the instruction to avoid the fruit. Paul placed all responsibility of the fall on Adam. Adam named Eve. She was made from him. She was made for him. I know that sounds strange, but it's true. By all means men and women are equal in essence, but we have different roles, and yours is to lead; mine is to respond. Everything went south when Eve started to lead (by eating the fruit) and Adam started to respond (by taking Eve's suggestion to eat the fruit) .

My point is that I'm asking you to lead and initiate relationships with the opposite sex. Nowadays, a lot of women do the pursuing, but that's not what I am called to do, so if you're going to find me, I won't be one of those women. If I stole your role as pursuer, I'd be stealing from you the joy you receive when you've worked for something of value. At least you don't have to work 14 years for me like Jacob did for Rachel! By work, I mean work up the courage to put yourself out there and make your intentions clear to the women you pursue. I know it's hard to date right now. Women want equality and chivalry and it's hard to figure out what that looks like. You may have been rejected or hurt in the past and have come up empty-handed, but don't give up; I promise I will be worth it. Remember this verse in your quest: "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies, " or " He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord."

I want you to know something else. I want to get married, but not to a man who wants to get married just for the sake of getting married. I want to get married to a man who wants to get married to me, not just to the concept of marriage. Does that make sense? I hope you want me because you see something special in me, you see your missing half, and you know I am the owner of your missing rib. I hope you don't want me just to be an actress playing a role so you can fulfill a dream of getting married. I hope you can see yourself building a life with me. I hope that when we imagine our lives together, we imagine adventure and growth.

Don't give up looking for me or maybe you found me already, who knows? I don’t! Only God does!. Don't settle for Miss Right Now, because trust me, when I come along, you're going to wish you were free to be with me. I don't know what you'll look like on the outside, but I know you will be a man after God's own heart. I know you will have integrity, courage, strength of character and respect: characteristics of greatness that I will wait an eternity for. I can honestly say right now that I've loved you even before I've met you, because I'm waiting for you. I hope that my love will be a cause for you to glorify God. Don't give up on me. God already knows who I am, and in His time, He'll reveal that to you.

Faithfully Yours, 
Future Wife

p.s. That girl you met last week, the one with the low-cut halter top, also eying your best friend? Yeah, it’s not me!!

I’ll Have My Devotion Tomorrow

So, at first I wasn’t going to write this (due to my severe case of procrastination) however, I figured that this might help someone who might be struggling with the same.. Lately, I’ve realized that once you surrender your life to Christ, the things that pull you away from God are often disguised in the most “innocent” forms.

Now don’t get me wrong, just because you surrender your life to Christ it doesn’t mean that you won’t get tempted from things such as pride, and things as such, but most of the time the things that cause us to sin start off really small and simple. One of these “innocent” things includes not having devotion! This is pretty much the main idea behind this whole post because it is something that has once caused me to fall far away from Christ without me even knowing!

So I was going through my week like any real Christian would! Praying before I go to sleep, posting convicting statuses on face-book, and witnessing to friends , just doing ALL THE WORKS! However, in the midst of all of that, my heart was so far away from Christ and what he had to say. I began doing things out of my own knowledge because I was no longer going to Christ. The whole week went by and I noticed that I didn’t even spend one day in the word, spending time with him, and growing in him.

Why is this so detrimental?
1.) When we don’t spend time with Christ we are telling him that we don’t need his help!

2.) When we don’t spend time with Christ we began loving people and things as such out of our own strength which will lead to (1) either a break down or (2) a BREAK DOWN!

3.) When we don’t spend time with Christ we will be walking in some serious pride because the cross wouldn’t be on our minds to humble us and we wouldn’t be able to hear Gods correction thus resulting in our belief that we’re “good”.

Now don’t get me wrong, nowhere in the Bible does it say “Thou shall have devotions every single day!” But it is out of my experience that once you lack devotion you lack fruits!

The Bible is our manual and guide on how we should live our lives! Without it, we have no strength to fight against the devil and most importantly, we won’t have the strength to fight OURSELVES!

It is to my knowledge that the Spirit yearns to know more about God, and the more we feed it (by reading God’s word, please keep up with the analogy peeps! haha) the more it will grow!

Have you ever wondered why sometimes everything in you doesn’t want to get in the word? Well, that’s because our flesh and the devil knows that the more time you spend in the word the more you will grow and the more power you will have when battling with temptation.

In conclusion, stay in the word & it will be easier to stay in Christ!

5 Lessons to Learn (And Unlearn) From the Twilight Saga

I have a love-hate relationship with Twilight, in the sense that I love to hate it. The acting and dialogue are so awesomely bad that it entertains me greatly. I have watched it more than once. While none of them are stellar films, the fifth is by far the greatest because it’s pretty much the only one where every single move is not predictable (though it is telling that the most exciting thing to happen in the entire series was only a dream sequence). But, it’s pop-culture and a part of history and therefore I’ve spent way too much time indulging and analyzing them, and enjoying their amazing soundtracks (except for the 5th film. That soundtrack is a total let down. I’ve done so much analyzing that I’ve decided to write this post to justify all that time and energy spent.

But what do vampires — unholy, living dead things — have to do with Jesus? Well, nothing, on the surface, but we don’t have Christian entertainment (unless you count Madea or Fireproof) so we try to find the God in everything, or at least the lesson.

LEARN: You don’t have to be who you are. The Cullen vampire clan in the Twilight films are an interesting example of this. The clan recognizes that their nature is evil and destructive and they choose not to be that. They sacrifice their desires — to drink human blood — and instead choose to survive on a diet of animals that sustains them but doesn’t satisfy their feral wants. That’s what we as Christians have been called to do.
Many people are about that “love me the way I am” life, and I’m here to say boooo. If there’s something unholy about you, yes, the Lord will still love you, but He has called us to allow Him to change us and be different from who we were when we first met Him — be better because of a true relationship with Him. Our goal in life as Christians is holiness, and that’s what we should strive for, despite our unholy nature.

UNLEARN: Stalker Love is What’s Hot in These Streets. I hope I don’t really have to say this, but ladies, please, a man that is constantly battling his desire to have you and his desire to destroy you is clearly unhealthy and actually kind of scary, a tad and not at all desirable for a healthy person. While these actions spell L-O-V-E in the films, in real life, this is grounds for a restraining order.

LEARN: Travel in Packs. The Cullens have chosen a lifestyle that sets them apart from other vampires. They are consistently mocked by the vampires they come into contact with who find their choice to fight against their nature to be foolish. But, there is power in numbers! This family keeps each other accountable to the lifestyle they’ve chosen. They talk each other down when their lifestyle choices seem too hard to maintain. They encourage one another and defend one another and that is what enables them to continue on in the life that they’ve chosen.

Likewise, Christians must also travel in packs. Because we are called to be “set apart” from the world (Romans 12:1-2), we must also have a support system that can help us to remain set apart and encourage us in this life.

UNLEARN: Actions Don’t Have Consequences: I get it. I understand why Twilight is so appealing. Kirsten Dunst doesn’t have to do anything at all to get Edward to love her. He is drawn to the smell of her dern blood. That’s it. And in the fifth film we find out that Jacob is just attracted to her eggs (don’t ask. You won’t like the answer). Seriously. This girl has the undying devotion of two debatably hot guys through no action of her own. And she gets literally everything that she wants with little to no effort and basically no consequences. But in real life, actions have consequences. You tie yourself to a creepy guy for life, there are consequences. And most times, they’re not good.

LEARN: A Worthy Mate Should Be Concerned About the Condition of Your Soul. Through most of the series (I now hate the word “saga”), Edward refuses to turn Bella into a vampire because he is sure that her soul will become damned, like his. Any worthy mate will be driven in his actions toward you solely by how those actions will impact your soul. A mate like that will do everything not to hurt you and not to encourage or support you in hurting yourself. Of course, Edward’s concern for Bella’s soul lasts about a good 2.5 films and then he stops caring. Which leads us to:

UNLEARN: That Soul-Loving Person Looks Just Like Edward. Seriously, I know this is #6. I know. But I have to add this. Anything Stephanie Meyer says about what love looks like or acts like or feels like, it’s the opposite. Enjoy the awesomely bad entertainment it provides, but don’t take anything this picture paints as love as desirable in real life. There’s something wrong with sitting in your room for literal months, wearing the same clothes and not showering just because someone doesn’t want to be with you anymore. And there’s something wrong with a romantic situation that causes you to choose between a relationship with your family members and this person. That’s just not the way love goes.