Dear Me




Dear Me,

This feels weird.

You’ll be wondering why the letter is addressed to ‘me’ instead of to you by name. I know you hastened to read the signature at the bottom before you began reading the letter. I know that the ‘ME’ in the signature line has confused you even more. I also know that you are curious enough to get to the bottom of things though you don’t always have the patience to wait that long. Please rein in your exasperation and read on.

This is something you have written to yourself. Does it make sense? I can see your eyes going round as saucers and your jaw dropping to reach your knees. We’re like that, aren’t we? To let this reach you, the universe had to turn itself backward. Yes, it was that important. Suspend your disbelief and pay attention to what I am about to tell you.

You may be comfortable with your own company but also go out and mix with people a bit. I know books are your best friends, but make some real flesh and blood friends, if you can. You are not as alone in your experiences and reactions as you think. I know you don’t suffer fools gladly. I find them annoying too. The only difference I have learned to keep a check on the vitriol that bubbles within. Yes, that’s maturity. You will need to make friends with yourself too; you will stay with you all your life.

You are naturally truthful because your sense of justice won’t let you get away with a lie. These traits will deepen over the next few decades. Your greatest virtue will be your courage. I know you are surprised to hear me say that. You’ve never thought of yourself a particularly courageous until now. To be frank, I agree with you. You haven’t really had a chance to test your courage. But you will, believe me.

I want you to be on your guard about one thing.

The world will try to decimate your courage and say it is no big deal. They would want to pile on more expectations on to you. By not letting you know the true nature of your courage, they will try to keep you from realizing how unfair they are. Be aware of your courage, be conscious of what you carry. Be on your guard and know that courage is not to be taken for granted. I am not asking you to shrug the load, you are naturally strong and seeking an easy life will make you weak. I don’t want you weakened. Carry all that you are given to carry, you will need every bit of this strength later.

Now you are asking, “Why warn me then if it is not to lighten my load?”

I warn you for one reason only. Despite your tenaciousness and strength, there will be times when you will be tired. The world will make light of the blisters on your feet and your agonized muscles. The world will show you those who have carried greater burdens and never stopped to rest. The world will never tell you that those who never stopped to rest crumbled and died long before they were meant to. If you too suffer the same fate, they will find someone else to bear their injustice.

This is why I ask you to be aware. When you are tired, no matter what the world demands of you, take time to rest. Take time to nurture yourself. Allow yourself to feel depleted. Don’t worry about losing your strength because you are sitting down to rest and you have a God who is there to strengthen you when you are weak. Depletion is not your natural state, you will rise stronger than before when you’ve allowed yourself this time out.

Your courage will never fail you. God knows, you will have cause to fall back on it a lot more times than most people do.  Never let your fear stop you from doing what you think is right. Never flinch from owning your errors and letting your mistakes teach you what NOT to do again. Mean what you say and say what you mean; neither more, nor less.  In short, know how to stand straight on your feet and to look beyond the moment. Never give up.

About success I will tell you this: Somewhere along the course of your life you will realize that the world’s definition of success is inadequate for you. You will create your own definition. People will tell you it is a survival tactics or a protection mechanism. I am telling you that it is neither. You are never capable of perpetrating such a fraud upon yourself.  Never permit yourself to be lazy or to turn yourself into something fake merely to serve your self- interest.  Live by God’s definitions… and achieve the kind of success that would make Him proud.

I hope my words today have shown you what kind of woman you will become. I hope you will remember these words and arm yourself with them for the time when you will need them.

You will not have an easy life, but you will overcome almost anything as long as you remain in God. Your life might not be easy but you will always have the strength to overcome the challenges life throws your way. When you begin to feel overwhelmed, remember to raise your head and look around and seek the face of your maker. You will always have the exact help you need at that point of time. People will appear out of thin air, events will come together miraculously, resources will pop out of the wood work. The whole universe will conspire to ensure your victory. Take that certainly and wrap it around you like a shield. This certainly is my gift to you… and the only reason I have written this letter to you… to us.

Tighten your seat belt. The roughest ride of your life is about to begin in a short time now. Years from now you will wonder how you survived it, but survive it you will. That is how you will know that courage that I have tried to give you a glimpse of. The purpose of this event in your life is to give you an unshakable belief in yourself. Savor this ride with that thought in your mind. Go through the experience with deliberation born of this secret tip straight from the horse’s mouth. Don’t let any of it overwhelm you… you will win.

I know, right…?

I am proud of the girl you are today. Over the years, this pride will only deepen. For good reason.

And lastly, trust in God and lean not on your own understanding. Don’t ever let another person’s opinion matter to you more than God’s wisdom. He is a better decision maker than all the world put together. I trust you with our future. I leave it happily in your hands. I know your stewardship will keep us going and God is the only protection it needs.

Take care of you,
ME

Love is....Love isn't Part 2




Love. It's makes the world go round, right? But what is love exactly? And what does God's Word say about the kind of love we should be looking for and living out?

These are important questions. Here's what is written about what love is (and isn't) in the book The Bare Facts.

In order to fully understand what love is, let’s take a look at what it isn't.


Love isn't a feeling.

When you were little, your mother could command you to eat your vegetables (that's an action), but she couldn't command you to like them (that's a feeling). When I ask people to define love for me, most of them tell me it's a feeling. But love cannot be a feeling because you cannot command an emotion. You can only command an action or a decision.

Who can command us to love? God can and does!

John 13:34 says, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Ephesians 5:25 states, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

Clearly, love is more than a feeling. It is a series of choices. When we choose to love, our emotions can be transformed, but love is expressed by acts of the will.

Love isn't sex.

Our culture teaches that "love" and "sex" are interchangeable words, and that sex is a measuring tool to gauge whether or not you are in love. It further teaches that sex is a necessary component for a loving relationship. But God's Word gives us a definition of love that has nothing to do with sex. Unmistakably, sex and love are not the same.

What is it about sex and love that makes them so easy to mix up?... During sexual activity the brain releases oxytocin, a "cuddle hormone" that produces feelings of caring, trust, and deep affection. That "feeling" combined with pop-culture's attempt to sell sex and love as one package can lead many to think that sex equals love. Since we already know that love isn't a feeling and we can determine that the world's definition of love is inconsistent at best, undeniably sex is not love (The Bare Facts, 21–22). 

The Bible gives us other indicators of what Love is not. Here are a few.

Love is not the source of our happiness.

This is part of my problem with the Twilight series. When Edward and Bella were together, Bella was happy. When they were apart, she was sad, lonely, and withdrawn. The subtle message that I watched take hold of too many hearts was having a boyfriend will make you happy, being alone will lead to a lifetime of misery.

It's the same lie Lies Young Women Believe today. Here's a rapid-fire reminder of God's truth.
    
God did not make marriage to make you happy, but to glorify Himself (Eph. 5:31–32).
When you look to a relationship with a guy to make you happy, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and potentially for disaster.
God does not want you to "awaken love" until the time is right (Song of Sol. 2:7, 3:5, 8:4).

Love does not require sin.

There was a lot of sneaking going on in the twilight books, chased by frequent disregards for authority. That's a red flag to me that this isn't a romantic story that any of us should be filling our minds with.

God's Word is clear here: "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord" (Col. 3:20).

A plot line that celebrates rebellion and alludes that love at all costs is right and romantic will never have my thumbs up.

Whew! That's a lot of don'ts. But don't get discouraged. God's Word gives us a definition of love that is exciting and possible. 

Love Is ... Love Isn't Part 1





Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing
And is your voice caught within your chest?
It isn't love, it's like.
You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them,
am I right?
It isn't love, it's lust.
Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
It isn't love, it's luck.
Do you want them because you know they're there?
It isn't love, it's loneliness.
Are you there because it's what everyone wants?
It isn't love, it's loyalty.
Do you tell them every day
they are the only one you think of?
It isn't love, it's a lie.
Do you stay for their confessions of love,
because you don't want to hurt them?
It isn't love, it's pity.
Are you there because they kissed you,
or held your hand?
It isn't love, it's low confidence.
Do you belong to them
because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
It isn't love, it's infatuation.
Do you pardon their faults
because you care about them?
It isn't love, it's friendship



Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?
Then it's love.
Do you cry for their pain,
even when they're strong?
Then it's love.
Do their eyes see your true heart,
and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then it's love.
Do you stay because a blinding,
incomprehensible mix of pain and
elation pulls you close and holds you?
Then it's love.
Do you accept their faults
because they're a part of who they are?
Then it's love.
Are you attracted to others,
but stay with them faithfully without regret?
Then it's love.
Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?
Then it's love.



  Love Is . . .

Hard Work
Pleasure
Commitment
Caring
Honesty
Responsibility
Recognizing Differences
Friendship
Sharing
Strong Feelings
Closeness
Communication
Vulnerability
Compromising
Openness
Respect
Trust
Love Isn't . . .

Dishonesty
Pain
Violence
Obsession
Expecting All Your Needs to be Met
Being Selfish
Cruelty
Getting Pregnant
Making Someone Pregnant
Dependency
Giving Up Yourself
Intimidation
Proving Yourself
Manipulation
Scoring
Fear
Sex






Letting go of Fear



I have often struggled with worry, anxiety, and fear. When I was younger it focused on what others thought of me and the feelings which surfaced when I couldn’t control things going on around me. I was in bondage to the fear of man and I didn’t trust the Lord, mainly because I didn’t really know Him like I thought I did. My sin was separating us.

Since I was raised in a home where my religion taught me all the things I had to do to avoid God’s wrath instead of freely accepting His mercy, grace, forgiveness, and peace, I never was released from the feelings of anxiousness. I often worried whether I was good enough in man’s eyes and in God’s. Fear ruled my life, affecting every decision I made (or chose not to make). Yet, as I saw the growing list of wasted opportunities I now regretting saying no to, the following thought came to my mind: What if my old coping mechanisms, forged in childhood to keep me ‘safe’, were actually impeding the life God had intended for me to live? What if my ‘lack of peace’ was actually just fear?

In the right context, fear isn’t a bad thing. It protects us from making unwise, potentially life-threatening choices (like jumping off 30 foot cliffs or eating chicken past its best-before-date). Further, real lack of peace does exist, and is often a clear sign from God that a situation or direction we find ourselves heading in is not a good idea. The problem comes when we confuse the two emotions, allowing fear to masquerade as a heavenly stop sign, when God has actually given us a green light. In that situation, the only thing holding us back is ourselves.

 The fact is, when we allow fear to control our lives, giving it the power to stop us from doing things that could actually be for our good, it becomes an incredibly dangerous emotion. That is when we must fight to overcome it instead of giving it free reign. But how on earth do we do that? I’m not saying it’s easy combating strong emotions like fear. Sometimes I still run from mine. Yet, I have found the following tips incredibly helpful in loosening its grip on my life:

Prayer – Even when we can’t work out whether we’re afraid or feeling real lack of peace, God knows the difference. Instead of making a snap decision to run away or allowing your anxiety to overwhelm you, pray and ask God to speak truth and peace into your emotions.  I promise you that He will answer.
Talk to somebody – Ask advice from a wise friend, youth leader or mentor. By learning to speak honestly and truthfully about your fears to trusted people, you may well discover that you are not alone. It is genuinely true that a problem shared is often a problem halved. With others standing alongside you, you will also find the added courage and support to face your fears.

Memorise God’s word - Learn Bible verses so that when you are afraid you can instantly recite them to yourself such as:

Hebrews 13:6 -  “So we can say with confidence, “The LORD is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?”

1 John 4:18 - “Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.”

2 Timothy 1:7 - “God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”


What I have learned in the Past Year

Solomon wrote down life’s lessons he had learned in Proverbs and Ecclesiastes.  We do learn from experiences we have gone through but it is important to learn from others experiences as well.  We often think we don’t have anything to share with others, but we do.  I can tell you, from experience, to pay attention to what you put in your pot of soup. 

They say that you are never too old to learn.  I have to say that I agree with that statement.  I am learning more about God than I have ever have in my life.  I’m learning some things about myself that I would have never discovered had I not gone through the experiences over the past year.  I am a better person as a result of these lessons learned.

A long time ago I learned that writing down thoughts and ideas was necessary for me. It gives the thoughts in my head a concrete place to exist and makes it easier for me to express myself in a rational manner. 

So taking the time today to review all of the scratches of my thoughts that I put down on paper has been enlightening to say the east. What I’ve discovered is that we are all on a journey through life and during this journey we will be presented with lessons to learn. These build on themselves, so you have to pass one life lesson before you can move on to the next. Sometimes you may repeat the same lesson for many years before God gives you a passing grade and you get to move on to the next lesson. I know there were several times in my life where I was stuck in that very situation.  God kept trying to teach me and I was too stubborn to listen and learn.

So as I sit here and I wonder…what can I say about what I have learned over the course of the past year?  What could I possibly write?  So here goes…I will attempt to share some of the things that God has taught me over this past year. (In no particular order)

  • You are never alone, and there is never trouble that is beyond help.
  • The worst thing that you could do in life is to dishonor God, yourself or your family and then living life without setting it right.
  • Without God, life’s storms are too strong to withstand.
  • Wealth and fame are an illusion.
  • The only times I’ve been truly miserable is when I was lying to myself or to others.
  • There is no experience that is bad—experience just is. It is what you do with that experience—will you use it to shape your life for the better, to become a stronger person, or will you allow those experiences to smother and destroy?
  • Always have a picture on your desk of someone you love and admire.
  • Don’t let life pound over you wave after wave. You’re not a rock. Learn to seek  shelter on Christ the Solid Rock.
  • Learn from the tides and the currents of life.  God is directing them.
  • Choose to sail—refresh, and do not drift through life.
  • Live life with intent.
  • I am that I am is the most powerful phrase in any language as it is the name of God and never take it in vain.
  • The Lord lives and is personal, and He loves; He’s always there to help.
  • We have to train ourselves to hear Him—like a muscle, the more we use it, the louder He becomes.
  • Serve Him, serve Him in all things.
  • Stand where He wants you to stand, where you have a purpose.
  • Life is hard, and then it gets harder but every second of life is worth it.
  • Always say what you mean and mean what you say.
  • Turn the other cheek.
  • Believe in what you believe to be true.  Not because someone has told to believe…but because you have proven it to be true in your life.
  • Freedom and rights are given to man by God—they are His, we are the guardians. 
  • Refine manner. Gentleness, meekness, kindness will always be the currency of any true value.
  • Stuff doesn’t matter.
  • It’s never too late to change.
  • Forgiveness is divine.
  • The atonement is real.
  • You are worthy.
  • Hell is real.
  • We can have a life and an eternity of regret if we are not careful to keep our regret debt low.
  • It is never wrong to do the right thing.
  • Learn to love those that you don’t even know or may not like.
  • Read the Scriptures everyday because they are alive—He speaks to you through them.
  • There are no coincidences in life.
  • Sleep hard but sleep less.
  • Pray on your knees.  My most effective time in prayer is when I am on my knees.
  • To whom much is given, much is required.
  • Never want anything too much—you will pay too high of a price one way or another.
  • Someone you meet today is afraid or suffering.
  • Always tithe.
  • Never let the sun go down before saying I’m sorry for your wrongs.
  • Life does go by too fast.
  • Keep a journal—write what you think.
  • The Lord’s house is a house of order. There is order in all things—find it.
  • You will have very few real friends, cherish those that you do have.
  • Things will change.
  • The hardest thing to do is to admit failure—to admit weakness, but only the very strong do.
  • Fasting without prayer is a diet.
  • I’ve learned that comfort isn’t always comfortable…and though God is ever-present in our time of need, it doesn’t always mean that things are going to ‘feel’ so good…or even tolerable.
  • I’ve realized that for the Lord to be close to the ‘broken-hearted’, then the ‘broken-hearted’ must feel unspeakable pain.  I’ve felt the crumbling of my very own heart. I am sure that I have broken God’s own heart with my sin and actions over the years.  He loves me regardless of my sin.  This is a hard lesson to learn.
  • Most of the random acts of kindness I’ve seen come from the most unlikely sources.
  • I’ve been appalled at the complete absence of empathy from other believer’s when someone they know fails in their spiritual walk.
  • True comfort has very little to do with ‘feeling good’
  • I have learned to be more reflective…
  • I am very grateful for the people in my life.
  • I am very grateful for my health.
  • I am grateful for my Church and my friends there.
This list is just a few of the things I have learned over the past year.  It is definitely not complete and I hope to be able to learn a lot more as the years go by in my life. This past year has indeed been one of much learning and I want to continue to have my heart and my mind prepared for what God will have for me to learn.


P.S: Sometimes, we get so caught up in the busyness of everyday living that we forget our quiet time with God. As Christians, it is essential to always set aside time each day to convene with God. Read His Word, talk to Him and enrich our knowledge of Him and what He wants us to do.


Placing Value on a true friend




The Lord has been reminding me recently just how rare and precious a true friend really is. While there may be many who call themselves friends, there are in reality very few people in our lives who meet the criteria for true friendship.

Only a few years ago, I had my address book full of more than hundred people who I more or less considered friends. Out of those people, I can boldly say only 10 remain. What became of all the others? God only knows, for how long  they rejected numerous overtures to keep in contact and thus drifted away. 

I personally am a true friend that will bend over backwards for her friends. Almost to a fault. I give and give, and expect nothing in return. And most take my kindness as weakness. I only say that to some that have used and abused my giving ways and have been unappreciative for the things that have been done for them. I don't expect the "Thank you" or the praises, but I'd hope things would be appreciated.

I have come to understand that true friendship knows no bound. It is astounding to me that people I have never personally met honestly love me as they do. How can it be that people’s hearts can be knit together as true friends without any contact other than e-mails and letters? This is truly a testimony of the goodness and love of God. The truth is when you come across these few genuine people, you hold onto them for dear life.You recognize them, cling to them, and pray to God that you can be that friend to them as they are to you.

God has taught me that I don’t need 100 friends to be happy in life. I don’t even need 10 friends or even 5 when you get right down to it. If, in this life, I have 2 or 3 people willing to go that extra 100 miles to fight for me, stand with me, help me and love me unconditionally—I ought to be the most grateful person on earth. If I can truly call even ONE person “FRIEND” and mean it, then I have no justification to say I am alone. 

Time has taught me that one of the most treasured values of a good friend is loyalty.  Loyalty is a rare commodity in today’s world, but it’s an absolute requirement in true and abiding friendships. I have probably given up on several friends in the past but I have come to learn that one should never give up on someone else just because their human or give up on someone just because they make mistakes.  Believe it or not – you do the same things.  Maybe not in the same way but we all can offend, we all can let our tongue slip, give that unneeded look or let jealously take over from the real problem.

True friendship is about being humble, confessing and sharing thoughts, problems and feelings.  That is what friendship is really made of.  If someone has confessed to you – reach out and touch them.  Let them see your love and appreciate their vulnerability.  It takes an awful amount of strength and courage to apologize.  Recognize this and respond  appropriately.

“Love is an act of endless forgiveness,
a tender look
which becomes a habit.”
-Peter Ustinov


These thoughts provoked me to strive to be a better friend even though miles, countries and even continents may separate you and a loved one that doesn't mean your love needs to be separated too.

An Open Letter to My Future Husband



Dear Future Husband,

I suppose you are wondering why I'm writing. Don't worry; I'm wondering that too! It seemed like a good idea of something to do right now, and so here I am. Some days I wonder if you’ll think me odd for writing you this letter before meeting you.  However, you will be marrying me, so I’m sure you already think me odd for countless other reasons.

It is now 2013! I have gone through another year without you in my life. Some might read this and say, “Give it up”… Shooooot, I have even thought about taking matters into my own hands. But in those moments of weakness it’s because I neglected to think about the fact that in my “singleness”, God is preparing me for YOU and YOU for ME!

 You know time has become such an odd concept as of late.  It drags while speeding by and I’m not sure what to make of it while being frustrated at its slowness and amazed by its speed. But I thank God that I’ve had some amazing friends by my side through all this.  New ones and old ones alike.  I've learned so much through all of this too. Love, I’m afraid that I need to go through a lot of healing and refining before we’re ready for each other.  I have so many issues and fears and broken places and baggage that I need to get rid of before we come together.  Because You don’t deserve to have to deal with any of it.  I don’t want to come into our relationship broken.  That makes for a broken relationship..I want to give you the best me that I can be with Jesus Christ flowing throw me in everything I do.  I want to be baggage free for you.  Because I love you.

I don’t care what your job is. I don’t care how much money you make or how nice of a house you have. I don’t care if you aren’t rich. I don’t want to spend our marriage obsessed with finances. I don’t care if we’re rich or poor or right in the middle. But I care that you trust God with your money. I care that you be willing to go wherever He leads us. I care that you be passionately seeking Him out all the days of your life and I care that you would be a dedicated father to our children. I want money to be the last deciding factor in our marriage. Whatever we lack, God will provide the rest.

I feel relieved writing this to you and I can confidently go into this year & say that it won’t be long before you and I are ONE. While we are apart God is making me into the wife that you need and He is making you into the husband I need. It is tough at times but know that the wait is well worth it. God has not forgotten about you and I. Know that things will not always be this way, God will perfect that concerning you and I. Continue to strive to be all that God has called you to be and the rest will follow! See you soon.

Love always and forever,
Your Future Wife

Random thoughts: What death taught me about Life



It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” ― Rose Kennedy

Forty-five minutes into the film Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, I can't breathe well enough to adequately fill my lungs. Tears drip down my upper lip into my mouth, and sadness cripples my voice. I feel the way I felt last September. This past September, I wrote the hardest piece I have ever had to write. It was my Mother’s eulogy.  She was one of the dearest people to my heart.  Death is never an easy thing to handle, especially for someone as sentimental as me and as a person who loves HARD. I've learned that no matter how much you try to prepare yourself for the death of a loved one you are never truly prepared.

“You will lose someone you can’t live without,and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”  ~~Anne Lamott

You should never miss a chance to tell people that you love them. They can be taken from you in a blink of an eye. Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Don't wait until you are standing at the foot of their grave to honor them. Pick up the phone today and call them, just to say, "I love you."

Know who your good friends are and work hard at maintaining those friendships. It's true what they say, "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" Over the past year I've learned that when the going gets tough, some of your so called friends are the ones who get going. They turn their back and walk away. What happened to being there for someone in good times and bad? I thank God for the gift of wonderful friends. 

I've learned that The Wizard of Oz has a bit of truth to it. When you're lost and trying to find your way back to a familiar place, life can be quite strange and difficult. However, you learn things and meet people along the way. Though your road is hard to travel you must never give up. It is important to have your brain, your heart, and your courage along with faith to make it through this life.


Two models of relationships: Having a God Centered Relationship




While looking around I came to understand that every relationship we build is centered around something. We live in an era where Hollywood has painted a perfect picture of marriage and relationships and many today dwell on this illusion.

I do know this.. The man I marry will believe in God more than he believes in anything else, including me. he’ll love God more and he’ll believe in His ability to heal, transform, restore and perform miracles. I know that and I know he’ll recognize that as I chase after God, I’m chasing after him.

I have been thinking about the two relationships I've had in the past.  See I've been doing this thing so terribly wrong.  First, although I dated Christian men, I think I've allowed the exercising of that faith to be a far too individual act.  We may have occasionally gone to church together but that’s not enough. In building a solid relationship God needs to be at the very center.  In the future I’d like to pray with the person I’m with and make an effort to keep God thoroughly ingrained in the very fabric of the relationship.

Often we try hard to win or impress people with who we are that we at times forget our purpose here on earth and that’s to wholly and fully serve God.  Well in the future in a relationship I will love God with all my heart and all my mind and I will not LEAN ON MY OWN UNDERSTANDING but always acknowledge him.

Now let’s take a look at the two model of relationship as seen today

Hollywood's model of relationship:

1) Find a "suitable" person;
2) fall in love with the person;
3) build all your dreams, hopes and aspirations around the person;
4) If it fails, then repeat items 1-3.

To me this is a selfish model of relationship, which offers us the modern world. When selecting a partner we have this idea that we are to look for a rich, beautiful, intelligent and obedient person who will always do and be everywhere we please. Then we try to somehow fall in love with this person and ascribe to them all our dreams... This sooner or later leads to disappointment because our motive was not sincere. Ultimately these relationships break up because we always want to be on the receiving side, but the truth is Love ought to be Mutual.

God's model of the relationship:

1) Become a "suitable” Person;
2) To live in love;
3) Trust in God and try to "please" him in our relationship.
4) If relationships break down - repeat items 1-3.

God's model is somewhat contrary to what the world offers us. According to it, we must first become this most "suitable" person, in the deepest sense of the word it means to follow Christ and be transformed by him.  If you want a good wife in future, you must do your best to be a good husband and it needs to start now, in other for it to work in all possible ways. We need to take care of our spiritual, moral and physical growth. Yes, some of us have put a lot of effort into that and we need to remember that we are laying the foundation for our future happiness.

The next step in God's relationship models is to live in love. And we should understand that love - is not only that pleasant feelings that we feel towards another person. Speaking kind words, gentle embrace, walking holding hands together – doesn't always mean love! Love - is giving a person what they need the most, when they least expect it. Just like Jesus coming down to lay his life so we might be saved.
The third step in God's relationship model is trusting in the Lord and building our relationship around his word and commandments. Remember that God’s commandments are not to restrict but rather to correct us.

Be sure to build a God Centered Relationship! 

Psalm 37:4

When I began to Love Myself



When I began to love myself I found out that anguish and suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. 
Today I call it "authenticity."

When I began to love myself I understood how much it can hurt to force your own will, when the time is not right. I do. 
Today I call it "Recognition".

When I began to love myself I stopped to seek a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounds me is what helps me grow.
Today I call it "Maturity".

When I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I can be in the right place at the right time, and everything happens in God’s time, so I can be calm. 
Today I call it "self-confidence".

   When I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time and projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and things that gives my heart a happy mood. I do it my own way and at my own pace.
Today I call it "simplicity."

When I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is bad for me - food, people, things, situations. All that pulled me down and away from Him. At first People called it selfishness. 
Today I call it "selflessness".

When I began to love myself, I stopped trying to always be right, and ever since then, I was wrong less. 
Today I call it "modesty".

When I began to love myself I stopped living in the past and worrying about the future. Today I live in each moment. Now I live day after day,
Today I call it "Implementation".

When I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can be frustrating, and that I can get sick from it. But when I combined it with God’s own mind, it became a valuable ally.
Today I call this "Wisdom of the heart."

When I began to love myself I recognized that I no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or all sorts of problems. Even stars collide, and from their collision new worlds are born. 
Today I call this "Living."