Unstructured Ramblings: Unedited Letter to my DFH

Dear Future Husband,

I am at it again. Bored and the only thing I can think of is writing another random letter to you, knowing we will have loads of letter to laugh over in the nearest future.

I know that God said that it is not good for man to be alone, so I know wherever you are right now, you'd be better off finding me. I am telling you, I could use your help too, and not just to save me from cockroaches, reach things on the top shelf, or make me feel safe at night. I am trying to be one of those super career women, but in all honestly, in my heart, nothing could be more satisfying than to fulfill my God-given role as your "helpmate," your wife. My dreams and interests are everywhere. I have too many. But I know in my heart, you see the big picture in your life. You know how you want to make a difference, and you have a passion and purpose that I'm going to believe in too and help you achieve. If not, I know I will see in you wonderful things that you have yet to discover.

There's a reason why we're still not together right now. Maybe it's me because to be frank, I just haven't gotten my stuff together. My ducks in a row. I'm just not quite there yet, not yet your dream woman. I really believe that the right woman at the wrong time is still the wrong woman. And right now, I'm still wrestling with issues, things I really don't want you to have to deal with. God is pouring out his grace on me. Until then, I hope you are waiting patiently for me and getting ready to be mine as well. Remember, first and foremost, that love is patient. God has to reteach me this lesson every morning.

You know, I fear many things. That's an issue I'm trying to deal with right now. I'm afraid that I'll be more into you than you are into me or that you'll be more into me than I am into you. Some women think that's the safest way to go: finding a guy who is way more into them than they are him. But I don't want to sacrifice desire for security. Why can't things be equal? I want to be with a guy who knocks the socks off my feet just as much as I make him dizzy with desire. I'm afraid because I think I'm asking God for too much. I know I'm asking for way more than I deserve, but hey, isn't that the theme of salvation, receiving by grace for what we don't deserve? I'm not saying I want you to be perfect. I hope you're not expecting me to be either. On this earth, perfect is boring and unreal. I don't want perfection. I just want someone perfect for me. And I know you are out there; I know you are looking for me and I'm just hopelessly optimistic that you are real.

Our story won't be like Hollywood's happy endings. Hollywood makes movies that end, but I'm here for the long haul. I'm here to commit to the life after "happily ever after." I know my appearance matters to you, and I'll do my best with what God has given me, but I can't help but grow insecure with what Hollywood keeps dishing up. I'm afraid I can't compete with all those airbrushed women, and I'm hoping you prefer the real, imperfect, tender, gentle, lovable three dimensional woman that I am, instead of the perfect, fake, one dimensional woman Hollywood portrays. You can put her on your screen saver or on your wall, but I'm the one who'll keep you warm and steal your covers! lol

There are a lot of pretty women out there, and it may seem hard to figure out who I am in that crowd. Please stop trying to settle for someone you can live with. You'll see, I'm the girl you don't want to live without. I'm the girl you might not notice at first glance, but if you look close enough, you'll see a heart that sincerely lives for and trusts in God, and that's the kind of beauty that won't fade. It's the kind of beauty that is warm and inviting, one that will inspire and bring you closer to understanding the love that God has for you. Because there are so many external beauties out there, I hope you can see beauty through a different lens as well. One that also notices a soulful beauty. When you notice that beauty, you'll know it's me, because you'll be captivated. I hope to be a divinely delivered slice of heaven on earth for you, as I hope you'll be my shelter and fortress from the pain of the world.

Maybe the reason why you haven't found me yet is because you've taken a passive role in the hunt. I still believe men are supposed to be leaders. God made Adam first. Adam named all the animals. God gave him the instruction to avoid the fruit. Paul placed all responsibility of the fall on Adam. Adam named Eve. She was made from him. She was made for him. I know that sounds strange, but it's true. By all means men and women are equal in essence, but we have different roles, and yours is to lead; mine is to respond. Everything went south when Eve started to lead (by eating the fruit) and Adam started to respond (by taking Eve's suggestion to eat the fruit) .

My point is that I'm asking you to lead and initiate relationships with the opposite sex. Nowadays, a lot of women do the pursuing, but that's not what I am called to do, so if you're going to find me, I won't be one of those women. If I stole your role as pursuer, I'd be stealing from you the joy you receive when you've worked for something of value. At least you don't have to work 14 years for me like Jacob did for Rachel! By work, I mean work up the courage to put yourself out there and make your intentions clear to the women you pursue. I know it's hard to date right now. Women want equality and chivalry and it's hard to figure out what that looks like. You may have been rejected or hurt in the past and have come up empty-handed, but don't give up; I promise I will be worth it. Remember this verse in your quest: "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies, " or " He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord."

I want you to know something else. I want to get married, but not to a man who wants to get married just for the sake of getting married. I want to get married to a man who wants to get married to me, not just to the concept of marriage. Does that make sense? I hope you want me because you see something special in me, you see your missing half, and you know I am the owner of your missing rib. I hope you don't want me just to be an actress playing a role so you can fulfill a dream of getting married. I hope you can see yourself building a life with me. I hope that when we imagine our lives together, we imagine adventure and growth.

Don't give up looking for me or maybe you found me already, who knows? I don’t! Only God does!. Don't settle for Miss Right Now, because trust me, when I come along, you're going to wish you were free to be with me. I don't know what you'll look like on the outside, but I know you will be a man after God's own heart. I know you will have integrity, courage, strength of character and respect: characteristics of greatness that I will wait an eternity for. I can honestly say right now that I've loved you even before I've met you, because I'm waiting for you. I hope that my love will be a cause for you to glorify God. Don't give up on me. God already knows who I am, and in His time, He'll reveal that to you.

Faithfully Yours, 
Future Wife

p.s. That girl you met last week, the one with the low-cut halter top, also eying your best friend? Yeah, it’s not me!!

1 Thoughts:

oluwakemi Helen Abiola-oyeleye said...

This is so me

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